


Beau

by ikonisch (discordinparadise)



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Friendship/Love, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Popularity, Secret Admirer, Wallflowers, let's go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2019-11-01 21:01:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 37,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17874785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/discordinparadise/pseuds/ikonisch
Summary: You're amazing and I just really want you to know that. I guess there are so many reasons that this is stupid but I'm already stupid for you, crazy stupid (oh my goooosh I really just said that) so does it matter so much? I don't know. Perhaps I'll regret this but I don't want to. Have a nice day, because you always make mine nice, and I wanted to try (keyword TRY) to return the favour.From,Beau ♡





	1. Chapter 1

Jinhwan was absolutely freezing as he stood wrapped up to the max by the pitch, and the players there with their short-sleeved shirts and smiles? They were mental. Super-human. Jinhwan would be jealous of them but he was so glad he wasn't running around as much.

"DAMN IT!"

Jinhwan was trained to be more than alert for those kinds of interjections by now. He broke into a sprint before anyone else could, jumping over the barrier before looking around, and the ball was wedged underneath one of the seats. Jinhwan sighed, crouching down to dig it out before he threw it back onto the pitch.

"Thanks!" someone called out and Jinhwan nodded, making sure not to look at them. But when he walked down, the person was still there with a sweet grin and his arms folded against the barrier. "You moved like lightning but you know it'd be easier if you took even one of those layers off?"

Jinhwan frowned, hugging himself tightly. "Do I run around as much as you? Hell no. I can't get as warm."

"Just suggesting! Junhoe's right, huh."

Jinhwan wanted to kill the mentioned kid and he hadn't even known what he had done yet. "What did he say?"

Yunhyeong shook his head amusedly, resting his chin on the back of his hand as he stared at Jinhwan. "I can't really tell under that but, is your hair pink?"

Jinhwan immediately tucked a stray strand underneath his hat. "No."

"It would look cute."

"They're yelling at you for the ball."

"I don't get to talk to you any other time. You like avoiding me," Yunhyeong sighed, frowning and Jinhwan's heart did a stupid little skip. A single thump that sounded too loud.

"Another ball to get, gotta go," Jinhwan said quickly and it wasn't a lie since his eyes were really following another ball, and he didn't dare to notice how Yunhyeong's face fell when he ran off to another quarter of the pitch to slide under the bushes to retrieve another ball. Seoul High's resident ball boy. He wondered if that name actually stuck. He had been doing this for years now, mostly because Junhoe had suggested it with the exact words, "You'd be able to see Yunhyeong-hyung in one of his natural habitats!"

Jinhwan had smacked the guy's head back then, but he wasn't wrong.

Jinhwan's watch buzzed as he slowly sank to the frosted ground to sit cross-legged, and that meant that practice was supposed to finish now. Of course, most of the team would always go on for ten, fifteen more minutes because that was the type of weirdos they were but less than a moment later, he had a massive slug collapsing next to him on the floor. Jinhwan smiled. "Never a second late, are you?"

"So. Fucking. _Tired,_ " Junhoe whined, resting his head against Jinhwan's thigh and the elder ran his fingers through his hair soothingly. "I'm done, forever, never again."

"Junhoe, you say this every week."

"And every week I mean it! But then my legacy would die..."

"No-one cares about you enough for you to have a _legacy,_ " Jinhwan snorted, patting Junhoe's head a little sharply and the latter wailed like the big baby he was. "Besides, what did you tell Yunhyeong, you imbecile?"

"Hm? I tell Yunhyeong-hyung a lot of things. I was talking to him about baguettes earlier. He said he wanted to buy one and I said 'what type' and he said 'uh...French?' And I said 'do you even _want_ to get this baguette?!'" Junhoe said, his voice cracking and nostrils flaring and Jinhwan made him rest his head back on his thigh, patting the side of his face.

"You're such a moron. I meant about _me._ "

"Oh, not really. I just said you cute when you're angry," Junhoe said brightly, reaching up to pinch Jinhwan's cheek but the elder quickly batted his hand away, glaring down at the guy.

"I could dislocate your shoulder better than you can use chopsticks."

Junhoe looked terrified for a moment but it was all an act, of course, as he broke into a grin, settling his head back onto Jinhwan's lap. "Cute."

When Jinhwan looked up, he saw Yunhyeong looking at them, not from far away. He had an unreadable look on his face but the instant Jinhwan caught sight of him, he grinned and waved. Jinhwan blinked, swallowing and it was like his limbs had completely locked up except Junhoe was suddenly yelling, "NOBODY LIKES YOU, YUNHYEONG-HYUNG! GO GET YOUR BLOODY BAGUETTE."

Yunhyeong looked so affronted, mouth gaping and Jinhwan hit Junhoe's head as the younger simply settled back down, a smug grin on his face. "I'm very satisfied with my life decisions."

"Hurryyy," Jinhwan whined outside of the stall Junhoe was changing in ten minutes later, bouncing on his heels. "He left five minutes ago! And to get the train in time then we're going to have to run to scho-"

"No more fucking running," Junhoe growled, coming out of the stall with messy hair and skewered clothes but it was good enough, and he was left yelping as Jinhwan took hold of his hand and they jogged towards the main school, squeezing through the doors that Jinhwan weakly kicked open. Junhoe was complaining the entire time like usual, words like 'oh my god why don't I ever just _leave_ you' and 'this isn't worth missing a train for!' but Jinhwan had learned a very long time ago the art of ignoring Koo Junhoe, so he simply walked down the halls with caution, checking for any teachers, students, or worse - Yunhyeong.

Then they reached the certain crook by the library, a little shadowed edge between windows and Jinhwan lit up slightly, crouching down to look and for once, Junhoe shut up, keeping watch instead before saying a quiet, "Is there anything?"

"Yeah," Jinhwan breathed out, nodding as his heart brimmed to the fullest. "Yeah, there is."

Junhoe smiled just for a second. "Then take it, idiot."

Jinhwan quickly took hold of the piece of paper, folding it up carefully before they were sprinting out and down the road with Junhoe's classic complaining making a comeback. The first few times they had bolted through the train station, the workers had been certain that they were child thieves or criminals which had been very hard to explain, but now barely anyone batted their eyelids if they slammed their tickets into the slots harder than thunder, if Junhoe would jump over a barrier instead of trying to edge his way through a narrow exit, or if Jinhwan would slide under tight spaces. Honestly, they were just a pair of extra, stressed-out, athletic teens and they were doing their best.

"What score would you have given that, Koo?" Jinhwan asked breathlessly as they took well-deserved seats, their shoulders going up and down from their heavy breathing. Junhoe raised an eyebrow at him, leaning back against the seat.

"A five."

"A five?!"

"Yes, I lacked momentum and I think you lacked creativity. All you did was run."

"Hey, there were too many people!"

"You could've somersaulted over them. That would have bumped us up to at _most_ an eight."

Jinhwan stared at him in disbelief. "Christ...my best friend wants me dead..."

Jinhwan patted his pocket before slipping his hand inside and sighing in relief when he felt the familiar feeling of crisp paper between his fingers. Thank God it hadn't fell out during his run, since he had been so _careless_ and not buttoned up his pocket. He pulled it out slowly, unfolding it even though he didn't really want to read it yet, he just wanted to make sure that it was what he thought it was. And there was something at the end that marked it for more than certain, and Jinhwan's heart squeezed.

"Junhoe," Jinhwan whispered, and his hands almost trembled. Almost. "He signed it off with love. _Love._ "

"Because he loves you," Junhoe said like it was the most obvious thing in the world but the words made Jinhwan screech, "Don't say that!"

"For what it's worth, I do think he loves you. Everyone likes their secret admirers but you've been promoted from that title like, five times now. You've been writing to him for a _year_. You got him to want to write _back_. He _does_ write back. Don't be blind."

"I'm a coward, aren't I?"

"Oh definitely," Junhoe said, resting an arm around Jinhwan's shoulders. "Absolutely. Completely. But we all are. With that kind of thinking, perhaps you're braver than most."

"What do you mean?"

"You're making sure your crush stays in your clutches even though he doesn't know who you are. I think that's pretty badass," Junhoe laughed, because he could never say the word 'badass' without dissolving into giggles and he was the cutest imbecile in the world. Jinhwan slapped him lightly on the cheek. "And! Your hair's pink now! I don't know about you but that's the most badassiest thing _ever._ "

"Oh my God, stop, I'm regretting it so much now," Jinhwan whined, hugging his hat-clad head as Junhoe cackled. "Why the hell did we do this, my mum's probably gonna kill me, Junhoe, _kill_ me! And Yunhyeong's gonna think I'm a right dunce."

"Newsflash honey, he already does."

"I thought you said he loves me."

"Did I really? Damn it. I need to start reigning in my kindness," Junhoe said, looking disappointed in himself and Jinhwan rolled his eyes, looking back at the bottom of the letter. The 'love' looked so carefully written compared to the usual quality of the guy's writing which was already incredibly neat, as if it meant something more, something special. And sure, to Jinhwan it did. But did it mean something like that to _him_ too?

One year.

One year since Jinhwan overcome by the overwhelming weight of a crush decided to slip a letter into starboy's locker, Song Yunhyeong the soccer and theatre star who sang sometimes. Jinhwan hated the fact that the 'who sang sometimes' sounded so uselessly extra when it was his favourite part by a milestone. When Yunhyeong sang, it was like he was the only person in the world. No-one else existed, not even Jinhwan who would watch with starry eyes behind the wall of non-esse, wondering how someone could be so incredible, without being able to do anything about it. But he could try.

He tried to be subtle when he walked past Yunhyeong in the morning who was opening his locker, but it was to no avail. The guy didn't even _notice_ the letter and Jinhwan wanted to wallow in pity forever - until a few lessons later. In music.

"I got the sweetest letter in the world today," Jinhwan heard Yunhyeong say from in front of him, and Jinhwan snapped alert from where he was falling asleep. "This person has it _bad_ for me. I really want to tell them I'm so sorry because I'm not worth it, I'm really not."

Jinhwan shook his head, thinking helplessly, 'you're so worth it, you're amazing', and he blanched a little when the guy Yunhyeong was talking to turned around to look at him. Koo Junhoe, another one of those sporty, kind of popular people. Jinhwan quickly averted his eyes.

"Someone has a crush on you? Weird."

"Right?"

"No, hyung, you're not supposed to agree with me being mean. That makes it no fun," Junhoe deadpanned and Jinhwan laughed under his breath. "What kind of letter?"

"It was just cute and awkward and lovely. I bet the person's cute and awkward and lovely too."

"Are you falling in love with them already? Damn, they'd be happy."

"No! No, I'm just...confused. This kind of thing doesn't happen to me," Yunhyeong mumbled, looking down at something and when Jinhwan peeked around, he noticed that it was his letter and his breath hitched a little. Yunhyeong rested his hand over it, smiling to himself. "I wish I could say thank you."

When the class was over and Yunhyeong ran off to get to some sports practice and Jinhwan was simply taking his sweet time packing up, Junhoe spun around and slammed his hands onto Jinhwan's desk. Just for the surprise factor, and Jinhwan choked. "It's you, isn't it?"

Jinhwan's blood ran cold. "What?"

"I notice these things. A lot of people have a crush on Yunhyeong-hyung. I know you're one of them, judging by the gazy looks in these lessons, and I saw you trying to get a look at the letter and your eyes did a recognition thing and- it's just _obvious_ , alright?"

Jinhwan breathed out and brought up a finger, a finger that might have been shaking or his eyes were. "If you- if you dare tell him-"

"Aren't you gonna ask me how I noticed all those things?" Junhoe asked, looking a little affronted and Jinhwan furrowed his eyebrows.

"Do you want appreciation or something?"

"It wouldn't hurt..."

"Wow," Jinhwan muttered as he started walking off and Junhoe tailed him, shrugging his bag onto his shoulder and he wouldn't stop talking. And at one point, Jinhwan laughed because perhaps Junhoe had said something genuinely funny, and then he blinked. He couldn't be becoming friends with a jock. No _way_ , that would go against all of his ideals as a wallflower but then again, he was also crushing on one. Even if Yunhyeong was the most uncharacteristic jock ever. He couldn't bother being picky either, especially since Junhoe was someone who didn't know what the word 'no' meant, he had amazing music taste, and he knew how to talk deep. Somehow it manifested into Junhoe linking their arms at lunch and making him stay in the canteen to eat, which Jinhwan _never_ did. And Junhoe sending him playlists whenever Jinhwan got into his moods. Both of them lying upside down on Jinhwan's bed after school, talking about the limits of love or why cats swallowed their own fur. Jinhwan began to realise that they were more alike than they'd thought.

Junhoe was a wallflower too. He noticed things others didn't, and _was_ noticed for only a certain part of who he was. And Jinhwan was more than honoured that Junhoe allowed him to see everything, from the vulnerability to the chaos.

"See you later, hyung."

Jinhwan nodded, briefly hugging Junhoe before trudging off, his feet crunching through the small swathe of frost before he was stepping onto his house's doorstep. He raised his arm to knock before he remembered his sister getting really annoyed at him about 'you could literally just take out your key but no, you just have to MAKE ME WALK, HOW _DARE_ YOU?!' so Jinhwan sighed, smiling slightly as he opened the door himself and the first thing he heard was the microwave going off.

"Hey, squirt," his sister said, a soft smile on her face as Jinhwan entered the kitchen and shrugged off his jacket. She was wrapped up in a worn blue sweater, one that used to be their mother's, and she looked so homely that Jinhwan just wanted to hug her for hours. He knew Seiyeon would let him, but Jinhwan couldn't bring himself to do it. "Nice hair."

"Thanks. I'll be upstairs."

"Alright, I'll see you."

Jinhwan lugged himself up the stairs, dragging his bag behind him before he finally collapsed back onto his bed. Just breathing. Listening to nothing. For nothing. But he still heard traffic, white noise, his thoughts. Then his fingers moved, reaching into his pocket again, and he took out the piece of paper.

_Love...love..._

Jinhwan kissed the sheet of paper, and closed his eyes.

—

_Dear Yunhyeong,_

_Did he really say that? Typical Junhoe. To be honest with you, I don't really know much about cooking myself don'thateme but I appreciate it, if I appreciate you then I've got to appreciate it. I didn't know how many things I loved until you? It's like, secondary love. If something makes you happy then I instantly love it, even if I know nothing about it. You get what I mean?_

_My friend talked me into doing something stupid and now I don't want to go out ever like EVER again but I guess knowing that I'll be able to see you is motivation. Did you know you're always looking out the window when the tide hits?_

_From,_   
_Beau ♡_

-

_Beau,_

_I don't know why he does this to me! It's the saddest thing, he doesn't love me and it SUCKS because I love him, he's my big moody cat but he doesn't even hang out with me because he wants to, he calls it a chore. A CHORE! Am I that bad of a person? Of course you'd answer that with like the sweetest answer anyone in the entire universe would give because you're so utterly biased. Though I secretly love it...please keep showering me with praise..._

_You're so cute, what the hell? I don't get the secondary love thing at all, I just love what I love. The closest thing I can think of is that I started liking my brother-in-law literally just because he made my sister happy. Is it like that? Either way you're the sweetest thing since sugar._

_Ohhhh I'm guessing it's to do with how you look if you don't want to go out? I know I don't know how you look like but I bet I'm not being far-fetched when I say I'm sure you look beautiful. Isn't that what your name means? And hey I didn't know that but it makes sense, I love love love the ocean. Perhaps I'll start looking around class when the tide hits to see if anyone's checking if I'll look out the window._

_Love,_   
_Yunhyeong_

-

_Dear Yunhyeong,_

_Never mind him! I'm sure he loves you really, though I think he's one of those types who only loves a handful of people but if you're not in that handful, you'll get there soon. You're likeable as heck, loveable as fuck. And you know me so well but don't you dare call me biased! How am I biased? You made me love you just by being you and that's no bias, that's the meaning of fair. Did you bribe me? Have I known you for years and years? Nah. I'm just someone on the side who thinks you're one of the most incredible people ever._

_Yeah, it's like that. I guess we're different. Or you don't have someone that you love in the way I love you, perhaps? I don't know. It's just that if I see you smile then I instantly adore the thing that made you smile. It's weird logic, I guess._

_Oh honey you won't notice me. If I try, no-one notices me. That's the whole point of me, I guess. I'm not meant to flourish yet, and in all honesty? These people are beneath me. Well, except for you._

_Love,_   
_Beau ♡_

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

There was a soft ripple in the lake Jinhwan was looking at.

The ripple never left. The subtle omnipresence of nature wouldn't allow it, and Jinhwan had an arm wrapped tight around his legs which he was hugging to his chest. Junhoe always told him that he looked tinier than ever when he did that which would make Jinhwan break out of it only to kick him, but Jinhwan didn't care so much now. It was comfortable, and Junhoe wasn't here. Besides, he was focusing on the lake, the lake with its soft ripples and pretty water and Jinhwan's shaky reflection. Jinhwan had the messiest hair in the world according to the lake.

He had a piece of paper resting on his thighs. He was supposed to be writing a letter to Yunhyeong but his mind kept on going blank which was the worst thing, and it didn't happen a lot. Hell, he sucked at Korean like the teacher always passively told him but if it came to Yunhyeong, he could write reams and reams, and it was usually  _difficult_  trying to keep his letters short and snappy...he didn't know what was wrong with him now.

His phone pinged a moment later and he blinked, shuffling to reach out for it, covering his hand with his sweater since the phone was cold. It was just a text from Junhoe which wasn't surprising, and it said  _'you sure you're ready for the party tonight?'_

Jinhwan rolled his eyes, resting his other arm over the letter so it wouldn't blow away as he typed  _'of course'_  back. Junhoe was nervously excited about this party in particular, no matter how many the guy had been to, because this was the first time he had managed to convince Jinhwan to go  _with_  him. These things just weren't Jinhwan's scene and as far as he knew, it wasn't Yunhyeong's either - though obviously, this time, it hadn't taken much to convince Jinhwan. Just a coy 'oh hey, so, Yunhyeong-hyung's gonna be there too' and Jinhwan was saying yes in seconds.

_\- honestly can't believe i convinced you like THAT_   
_\- you're whiiiiiiipped_

_\- can you shut up_

_\- no but like i don't get it because its not like y'all are even gonna interact at the party_

_\- WE COULD_   
_\- we've smiled at each other before_

_\- wow_

_\- i said thank you to him once for getting a ball instead of making me run around the pitch_

_\- shocking_

_\- oh my god just be quiet t_

_\- tbh you're more successful than most dudes with their crushes_   
_\- still lame though. where are you?_

_\- the lake_

_\- of course you are_   
_\- let me just send yun hyung there for you. he's here visiting_

_\- WAIT_   
_\- JUNHOE WTF TELL ME YOURE KIDDING_   
_\- JUNFUCKINGHOE ANSWER ME_

"He'll be kidding, he'll be kidding for sure. This isn't happening. He wouldn't do that to me," Jinhwan breathed out, hugging himself before he started to pack his stuff up but he froze at the yell of, "JINHWAAAAN?!"

Jinhwan's heart burst into tears.  _Of course he wasn't kidding._

"Hyung!"

"No..."

"Junhoe said you needed some kind of chaperone back to the main school?" Yunhyeong asked a little uncertainly as he neared him but his eyes were still all sparkly and Jinhwan couldn't look at him for more than a second with his stupid beauty and his stupid perfectly ruffled hair that Jinhwan wanted to run his hands through to ruffle more.

"Well, obviously I  _don't_. He's just being annoying."

Yunhyeong paused, deflating the tiniest bit like he was thinking 'why the hell am I here then?' but he was too polite to say it. "Oh..."

"Let's go. Don't be a chaperone, just an acquaintance is good enough," Jinhwan said as he walked past Yunhyeong, biting his lip for a split-second when their arms brushed, and Yunhyeong beamed as he turned around and walked with him, holding onto his bag's strap.

"You really are like a little prince."

"Yeah, I know I always sound haughty and unbothered," Jinhwan sighed, half-teasing and he smiled to himself when Yunhyeong quickly spluttered out, "No, no, that's not what I meant! Just, some words you choose...or at least when you're talking to me."

"Fun to know."

"So your hair  _is_  pink."

Jinhwan winced, not noticing Yunhyeong's look of awe. "Yeah, I think I'm learning to live with it now. I look quite cute. I match my mother's prized roses, she's actually kinda happy about that."

"She didn't kill you?"

"Nah- well she did a little at first but ma's method is ripping off a bandaid: scream, simmer a little, then everything's good."

Yunhyeong laughed and Jinhwan's heart curled into itself, getting ready to shoot out of Jinhwan's chest to give Yunhyeong all the love it wanted to but Jinhwan made his brain tell it to keep quiet, because he really didn't want to do anything that would garner him a restraining order. That was  _not_  how he wanted his high school life to go.

"What were you doing at the lake?"

"Writing."  _To you. Because I love you lots. Wanna squish your face. And cry._

"Writing's good. Writing's great," Yunhyeong said agreeably as they reached the school doors and he pulled at one, clearly holding it open for Jinhwan but the elder just opened the other door and went through that, walking on. Yunhyeong blinked, a little disquieted before he hurried to fall in step with Jinhwan again and it was so cute that Jinhwan had to clench his teeth. The person who'd be able to hold that kind of cuteness in the palm of their hand would be the luckiest human in the world and sure, Jinhwan would hate them so much because he was petty, but they'd be more incredible than Yunhyeong. Or they better be since that was what the guy deserved.

"My homeroom's here," Jinhwan muttered, jerking his thumb to the door on their right and Yunhyeong nodded, smiling when Jinhwan angled himself to face him and finally looked at Yunhyeong, through his hair more than anything. "Uh...uh, I've been wanting to ask...um...actually, never mi-"

"Are you gonna be at the party tonight?" Yunhyeong asked out of nowhere and Jinhwan straightened up a little, nodding quickly and Yunhyeong's eyes widened like he was surprised. "Really? Me too! I thought those types of things weren't your, well,  _thing_ -"

"Yunhyeong, why do you try to act like you know me?"

Yunhyeong blinked, furrowing his eyebrows a little and hurt shone in his eyes a little. That hurt Jinhwan too (and in truth Yunhyeong  _did_  know him because of the letters but that was different), but he couldn't do this. "What do you mean?"

"You don't know me. You don't  _want_  to know me, trust me. That's just not the type of thing you people do and that's fine, we're on different ends of a spectrum, people learn to live with that. Have a nice day," Jinhwan said before he pushed the door open and went into the room, grinning the instant Junhoe yelled an enthusiastic greeting at him from the other end of the room. And Yunhyeong just stood outside for a while. Thinking.

 _That's the kind of thing Beau says,_  Yunhyeong thought, eyes sad as he took out a neatly folded up piece of paper from his pocket.  _That wallflowers and populars aren't supposed to mix. But what's the point of that? We're all people. I'll make them see that._

\----

_Beau,_

_I think I want to love you in the way you love me. I want to see you smile and share your happiness, I want to do all of those things, lovey, cliché things. I want to ask you why you love me. I want to understand everything that goes on in your little head because your weird logic is so bamboozling but I've never known anything sweeter._

_Yeah Beau, all these people are DEFINITELY beneath you. Especially me, I really don't know why you chose me to adore because I'm not worthy of your praise! Besides...you're the type of person who knows the world. You see everything. I think that's really cool, and I love the fact that I get to see how your mind works even if it's just inky words on paper (because that definitely counts). Anyway, so those were emotions, I'm sorry, I know you don't really like those. I'm an emotive person though..._

_Love,_   
_Yunhyeong_

-

_Dear Yunhyeong,_

_Oh my gosh, oh my GOSH. You know that thing, in your chest? The heart? I think mine exploded. Damn you, Song Yunhyeong, why did I choose the sappiest, most heart-attack-inducing person to love? I'm so in love you. Shit. I'm sorry. I have no idea what else to write and it's painful. Can I just send you a million pages with the words 'I love you' on it?_

_Yeah, I'm observant. Seeing things is just kind of what I do. Other things are just more interesting than my life, I think that's why I do it, and I love thinking up stories in my head based off of truth. Oh, will the school dance captain go to that battle underground and get over his crush on the other group's leader_ _, or will it lead to something_ _? Will that one dude I heard talking about his dog ever be ready to let her go? Is there any possibility that a beautiful jock who sings sometimes will fall for a lowly boy_ _always_ _on the sidelines? I like to dream, about crazy or not-so-crazy what ifs._

_Don't ever apologise for your emotions. It's something I adore about you, so emote all you want, I'm here to clean up the mess and give you a big hug._

_Love,_  
 _Beau_ ♡

-

_Beau,_

_Everytime you say anything akin to 'I love you', do you think my heart flutters? DO YOU? Because yes, yes it does. A lot. And I love it quite a lot too_ _because this kind of hold you have on me, it's exhilarating. I think I'm quite smitten for you, Beau. When did that happen, huh?_

_Oh my gosh, Beau, BEAU..._ _are you saying you're_ _a_ _ guy _ _?! Holy guacamole._

_After a whole year, I finally know your gender..._

_It matters, but it doesn't matter. Like I wouldn't have minded whatever you were. But before I was so careful about visualising you, yet now I can imagine the sweetest guy with a wicked smirk or the prettiest smile, big jumpers, scarves...he has sweet arms that give the best hugs, cute chubby fingers because you complain so much about not being able to type right because of them. Are you older than me? Are you short? Or tall? Or middle? Oh my God, I feel like you can be short_ _ or _ _tall, like I can't tell. Okay, I need to stop this. I'm gonna make you out to be so much worse than you actually are, because the real you will be better than anything I can think of, no doubt._

_You always say you'll give me hugs. I really hope you actually can one day because I have a LOT of emotions and I can't think of anyone better to pat my head and hold me tight. Ugh, this is sad. I wanna meet you so bad, Beau. So bad._

_But if you don't then that's perfectly okay._

_Love,_   
_Yunhyeong_


	3. Chapter 3

"Non, Papa, c'est juste une fête," Jinhwan sighed as he shrugged on an orange overcoat, scrutinising himself in the mirror before shaking his head and slipping it off. His father had gone all whiny because apparently he had a few minutes free which he wanted to use speaking to Jinhwan but he had the party to go to. Honestly the  _only_  thing their father ever wanted to do when he was free was speak to his children. The guy needed to get a life. "Non, je ne boirai pas trop...ouaip, ou pas du tout...va travailler, Papa. Mhm, je serai en sécurité, je t'aime." Of course Jinhwan would be drinking no matter what he told his parents. That was one of the things that he was actually looking  _forward_  to at the party.

"You know, that man still hasn't forgiven me for not learning French for him," his mother said as she peeked her head through the door just as Jinhwan hung up. "Honestly. What does he expect, that I'd ever have the time? I fell in  _love_  with him, that should be enough but noooo, not for him."

She walked off grumbling and Jinhwan grinned, shaking his head as he went back to sifting through clothes. The only thing he could take inspiration from about what to wear for parties was the things he read in books but to be honest, they were pretty reliable sources. Chokers and ripped jeans and low-cut tops? Uh, hell yes. Except Jinhwan didn't have two out of three of those things, and he wasn't about to buy them anytime soon.

Yunhyeong's latest letter was sitting on Jinhwan's desk, already a little worn out from how often he had read it. It had hit him so hard and every time he looked over the words, his heart couldn't help but beat faster. He had no idea how to feel when Yunhyeong said all these things about 'you've got a hold on me' or 'I'm smitten for you' because Jinhwan just couldn't believe him but he never wanted to think of Yunhyeong as a liar, and the two things cancelled out only leading to stumbling, fizzing, fluttery feelings.

Jinhwan hated this sometimes. He hated how he was so in love with someone who was so out of reach, how it was so  _illogical_. He wasn't the type of person to just fall for someone like that, in such a detached way, but Yunhyeong was a factor that always went against how Jinhwan's brain was wired. He was the best anomaly ever but anomalies were still, to put it bluntly, bad.

"Why do I like you, Song Yunhyeong?" Jinhwan asked the thin air, getting more and more aggressive as he pulled out clothes from his wardrobe. "Tell me, how are you different to anyone else? Did someone slip me a love potion once? None of it makes sense. I hate you. I hate your smile, I hate your eyes, I hate your hair, I hate your kindness, I hate your fucking golden  _heart_ -"

Then Jinhwan stopped, breathing out as he stood there in the midst of nearly all his clothes thrown around and behind him and his sister stood by the door, wide eyes and her fist raised to knock but it never quite got there. "Jinhwan...?"

"Noona...ah, I'm- I'm sorry, just...don't worry," Jinhwan muttered shamefully, rubbing the back of his head and he loosened up a little when Seiyeon shuffled in and wrapped his arms around him from the side, pouting knowingly at him.

"What's wrong, huh?"

"Just annoyed at my heart..."

"You always are. Doesn't this dude make you happy? Why can't you only focus on that?"

"I hate him."

"No, chéri, you love him. Or at least like him a lot a lot. Try and make something of it, won't you?"

Then Seiyeon patted his back and left, wading heroically through the clothes before she exited the room and Jinhwan sighed, knowing in his heart that she was right. He didn't want this to become unhealthy. He didn't feel like he had an obsession, but maybe it was too much for the circumstances where Yunhyeong and Jinhwan weren't even really friends, or  _acquaintances_  mostly because Jinhwan pushed him away, meaning to but not wanting to.

Maybe something small could happen at this party to change things. Maybe Jinhwan would be a little more himself around Yunhyeong, for once. He could dream.

One hour later and Jinhwan was just brushing up, putting in sapphire coloured earrings that matched his shirt. He had heard the bell go and he knew immediately who it was, especially with the loud sound of someone bounding up the stairs so he just stayed where he was, letting Junhoe burst into the room alone like a superhero he would never be. "Hyung!"

Jinhwan waved a hand to usher him over and Junhoe took a seat on his bed, cross-legged, with Jinhwan in the chair in front of his mirror. He could see Junhoe crane his neck to check himself out in the mirror, all wiggling eyebrows and winks that had Jinhwan rolling his eyes, but Junhoe really did look great. Gently smoky eyes, pink lip tint, a white shirt with sleeves going past his hands as well as the collar going off his shoulder, French-tucked into some black jeans. Lazily beautiful. Honestly, maybe Jinhwan would be all over him if he hadn't got to know the guy like he did, so he just smiled. "Looking nice."

"So do you. I'm quite proud, really," Junhoe said, giving Jinhwan a satisfied onceover and Jinhwan raised an eyebrow.

"I could look gorgeous every day, I just don't bother."

"Yeah, I know," Junhoe agreed and Jinhwan blinked, not expecting to get a proper answer when he had only been joking. "You give off that vibe. It's quite intimidatingly cool, honestly."

Jinhwan gave Junhoe, the actual Junhoe not the mirror image, a weird look. "Are you okay? We don't usually elongate compliments to each other past...one."

"I'm just  _excited_ , alright, I don't want you to change your mind..."

"What do you even do at these parties?"

"Me? Usually nothing. Just drink and talk to people I wouldn't usually but it's, like... _fun_. Drunk people are the  _best_  people. Also contribute in some games a little if I wanna but drinking, getting drunk, that's more than enough for me."

"Guess I'll be joining you the-"

"Oh, no, no way, you're gonna do something about Yunhyeong-hyung. That's it," Junhoe said firmly, narrowing his eyes at Jinhwan who looked at him flatly.

"Junhoe, how many times do I need to get it into your head that I'm a coward-"

"But like the thing is, you're not? You're just far too comfortable being unknown and on the down low and keeping to yourself, and you just don't want change, even if it's for the better."

"And you don't think you're not the same?" Jinhwan asked slightly harshly, getting up and Junhoe winced a little. "How long have you had the same life, Junhoe? Star player, handsome guy, antisocial, privileged lifestyle. Don't you dare talk to me about change."

"Hyung, I don't wanna fight," Junhoe mumbled, looking down at his lap and Jinhwan blinked, snapping out of it and now he felt terrible. Junhoe was the type of person who easily got angry but the thing is, so was Jinhwan, and Junhoe would always try for him to keep things placated because Junhoe had the kind of childlike, wondrous mindset of 'no fighting then we'll keep being friends forever!' and it was so sweet. Jinhwan knew Junhoe deserved someone better, someone chock full of sweetness and patience, someone who was nothing like Jinhwan. Someone like...well, Yunhyeong. "And look, don't be annoying because I  _did_  accept change for one thing. You. I've never accepted a best friend into my life before, someone I share everything with and love so much. Yeah that's right, I love you, you're not gonna hear that again anytime soon but just keep it in mind. I want you to be happy."

"Wanna ditch the party and have a big cuddle, kid?" Jinhwan asked with a gentle smile, going over to hug Junhoe and the younger wrapped his arms around him in return, dropping his face on top of Jinhwan's head like an aggressive baby terrier. Junhoe was honestly a great hugger when he wasn't all stiff, and Jinhwan wished Junhoe would find someone else to hug too one day.

"No...five minutes."

Jinhwan squeezed Junhoe tighter as if that could showcase his apology. "Junhoe?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you want me to be your friend?"

"You were different to everyone else," Junhoe said, shrugging. "Cliché reason, I know. But you weren't saccharine, and I liked your music taste."

"You have way better music taste than me."

"Yes, well, you started off good and now I've taught you my ways. Not to mention you introduced me to  _Mayday Parade_. I basically owe you my soul."

"That's always what a devil likes to hear, sweetheart."

"I could guess."

They were leaving minutes later, with Junhoe yelling a loud farewell to Jinhwan's mother and Jinhwan hummed to follow up, waving at people who wouldn't see it but they knew he was leaving and that he'd be okay. If anything, he was sure his mother was secretly  _elated_  that he was actually going out, probably with the classic 'I didn't spend all that money on getting you a car for nothing, did I?!' with a response of, 'I use it to drive to school, ma...'.

"Ready?" Jinhwan asked as he pushed the key into the ignition and Junhoe nodded, hitching his feet up onto the dashboard before immediately pulling them back when Jinhwan shook his head. Instead, he fished out some sunglasses from his pocket and slowly put them on, making Jinhwan want to face-palm on his driving wheel.

"Ready as ever, baby-"

"Call me that one more time and your head won't be on your body."

"Chill!"

***

Not even one minute in and everything was already so incredibly dizzying. Jinhwan thought he'd be able to handle it just fine, and he was annoyed that he wasn't.

"You alright?!" Junhoe yelled out over the music even though they were right next to each other and Jinhwan nodded distractedly, looking around at all the people, wondering what kind of infusion of aromas he was smelling. Things weren't crazy, no-one was screaming, there wasn't chaotic dancing or satanic rituals, it was just...menially overwhelming. People. In a close vicinity. Jinhwan was steaming up a little, sweating, he didn't like it.

"I'm alright...I'm gonna get a drink. You don't have to babysit me."

"But-"

"Come on, go do what you wanna do, be lazy, be crazy, blah blah," Jinhwan said with a smile that he hoped wasn't visibly weak, nudging Junhoe who didn't move, only looking at Jinhwan slightly worriedly.

"If you're sure...I'm just gonna be on that sofa. Come to me anytime?"

"Got you."

He watched Junhoe go, raising an eyebrow when he saw him greet someone brightly who handed him a drink just like that which made Jinhwan feel a little jealous so he started walking, trying very hard to look past heads to see where a drinks table was or wherever he could get one from, until the same thing ended up happening to him - someone touched his arm gently, drawing a cup into his line of sight. "Wanna drink, newbie?"

Jinhwan blinked, snapping his head up and his eyes widened. "Chanwoo? What the- CHANWOO?!"

Jinhwan really needed an explanation right here and now as to why his baby cousin was here, messy-haired and grinning shamelessly. His big eyes were sparkling amusedly in a way that made Jinhwan absolutely want to strangle him but at the same time, when was the last time he had seen the guy? He accepted the drink without taking his eyes off of Chanwoo once, scrutinising before Chanwoo said, "You know I haven't drank anything, right?"

Then Jinhwan could finally relax, downing the drink that burned his throat in the best way and Chanwoo's giggling sounded wavy to his ears.

"So...what are you doing here? You don't even go to my school," Jinhwan said, catching himself when he was about to slur on words because come on, he was nowhere near a lightweight. Chanwoo shrugged, hooking an arm through Jinhwan's as they started walking and it became a bit easier to handle the dim lighting and all the people since Chanwoo didn't seem to mind it and that helped.

"Word got around, I guess. Some of my friends just told me about it so I thought, if my parents let me then sure, and they were fine with it."

"Of course they were, they were always the cool aunt and uncle. Dad's so jealous of them, he's always like 'but can they do  _this_?!' then goes into a massive rant in French. To be fair, he's pretty iconic at that."

"French Superman." 

"French Superman," Jinhwan agreed, smiling to himself. He missed his father. Sometimes, phone calls just weren't enough.

"But you, you're at a party? My lickle antisocial cousin?"

"Shut up, you're the 'lickle' one here and Junhoe kinda convinced me. You know about Junhoe," Jinhwan said matter-of-factly, turning around to point him out before freezing when he actually caught sight of him because yes, Junhoe was on the sofa like he said he would be, drink in hand...but there was a guy in his lap, a  _cute_  guy, in a massive hoodie with nice ripped jeans while he stroked Junhoe's jaw- holy shit, it hadn't even been five minutes, did his dorky best friend really have that much game? Well, actually, according to the way Junhoe's eyes were wider than the moon and his face glowed with a thin sheet of sweat, his hands shaking a little too - maybe not.

"Damn," Chanwoo said first and Jinhwan nodded, letting out a puff of breath as they both stared for a moment.

"I'm kinda proud. Never seen him interested in anyone."

"Is he actually interested in this guy, though- oh oh wait, I take that back, he definitely is," Chanwoo said quickly, averting his gaze when the guy leant forward to kiss Junhoe whose eyes closed, his arms winding around the other's waist as he dropped the drink he was holding which bled out onto the floor but no-one heeded mind. Jinhwan choked a little, hugging Chanwoo's arm tighter.

"I think we should leave them alone..."

"Yes, yes, let's. Please."

There was karaoke going on. Right now no-one seemed drunk enough for it to be the hilarious stuff out of movies but there was a guy Jinhwan recognised from the football team, singing a hella romantic song while his friends cheered from off the make-shift stage. Jinhwan had to swallow when he saw someone familiar among them. Big smile, crinkling eyes, beautiful even as he jumped up and down excitedly. Jinhwan wanted to just pick his own heart like it was a flower and give it to him, over and over. 

"I need more to drink," Jinhwan muttered, turning around and pushing past Chanwoo who blinked, making to follow him. 

"I mean, sure, but you're going the wrong way-" 

They got to the kitchen eventually, where there were a few kids milling around but Jinhwan ignored them, taking hold of a bottle and immediately taking a swig, making Chanwoo yelp, "Hyung!" 

"What? Not a stranger to it," Jinhwan said raspily, wiping his mouth and raising an eyebrow at two guys at the corner of the kitchen who were now looking at him with interest. "Anyway, let's get somewhere quiet...I'm taking this bottle, though." 

Chanwoo rolled his eyes, wrapping his arms around Jinhwan's shoulders as the guy kept taking small sips, loving the feeling but he didn't want it to finish too quickly. He didn't really notice they were going up stairs until it was too late, and they were already stumbling into a bedroom and Jinhwan fell back onto the floor for no reason, windmilling as Chanwoo nudged him with his foot. "Really?" 

Jinhwan shrugged, sitting up and blinking when he saw someone on the bed that he had been ready to jump onto. "Who that?" 

"No idea," Chanwoo said quietly, though something in his tone showed that that wasn't the whole truth and Jinhwan caught onto it a little, but Chanwoo speaking again got him distracted too easily. "But this is the only bedroom that's not locked."  

"Really? Hm..." Jinhwan slowly got up as he took a large gulp from the bottle, twirling around like a ballerina and giggling when he fell into Chanwoo's chest, which Chanwoo wasn't very pleased about but he still wrapped his arms around the elder. "Ooh, why are you strong? You don't work out! You just stay in your room all day!" 

"I'm not strong, you're just out of your mind right now," Chanwoo sighed sadly but Jinhwan shook his head, planting his feet into the ground to stay steady. 

"I'm still very sane. And don't say that, don't put yourself down..." 

"What's the real reason you came to this party, hyung?" 

"Mm..." Jinhwan waddled over to the bed once Chanwoo let go of him, rolling onto it before jumping about until he was sitting cross-legged and then he fished his phone out of his pocket. Chanwoo shook his head at him, so amused as he sat down opposite with crossed arms. 

"Because of him," Jinhwan said once he got the picture, holding it out to Chanwoo who narrowed his eyes at it, tilting his head to the side. "Also, this ain't 'cause I'm creepy. He sent it on a group chat. He really loves taking selfies..." 

"I've seen this guy, is he here?" Chanwoo asked with furrowed eyebrows, inching a little closer to get a look and Jinhwan nodded vibrantly. 

"He poplar." 

"Popular. And are you guys friends?" 

"No.  _No_. NO. No way." 

"Okay, damn-" 

"He's my  _baby,_ " Jinhwan sniffed, hugging the phone to his chest and Chanwoo's eyes cleared in realisation. 

"Hyung's got a crush." 

"You didn't know? Really? I've been in love with him a  _year._ "

" _For_  a year. And I guess it didn't really come up?"

Jinhwan frowned so hard that Chanwoo was scared his face was gonna break before holding out his arms and sharply pulling Chanwoo forward which made the younger cry out, doubling over as Jinhwan pressed his cheek against Chanwoo's back. "That's so sad. From now on, we tell each other everything! I want to know your favourite animal." 

"That would be you." 

"AWWWWWW-" 

The guy on the bed shifted which made Jinhwan whip his head over to him and Chanwoo got up so he could sit next to the guy, rubbing his head once the latter moved his torso into Chanwoo's lap. "It's okay, sweetie, stay sleeping..." 

Jinhwan tried to drink more from his bottle and pouted after the last drop hit his tongue, but he perked up when he saw a cup on the bedside table, looking pristine and untouched from Jinhwan's untrained eye. He went for it, reaching out before falling flat on his face because he was way too far away from the table. " _Ow_..." 

"Hyung, you fell on a bed of all places, it can't have hurt. Don't be dramatic," Chanwoo said flatly, beaming when Jinhwan raised his head to glare at him before crawling forward, careful not to touch the other guy before he swiped up the drink, pleasantly happy that it was full before he drank it in one gulp which had Chanwoo whispering to the sleepy guy, "This dude's gonna get alcohol poisoning..." 

"I'm going back down!" Jinhwan announced, pointing a hand up to the ceiling patriotically before he scurried off, too fast for Chanwoo to follow him and he smashed into a wall seconds later but it didn't seem to matter that much as he found the stairs, making his way down very carefully as he checked each step, and he grinned at a guy who nudged him back to standing when he tripped over the last few steps. "Thank you." 

The guy looked a little dazed, staring at Jinhwan before looking away, rubbing his neck but Jinhwan just forgot about him in no time as he walked off, holding onto the walls. He wanted to get to Yunhyeong, that was all he could think about, and he wanted a hug and he wanted to whisper in his ear,  _"I'm your Beau, I'm your secret admirer, I love you,"_  and Yunhyeong's eyes would do their beautiful shining thing and they'd live happily ever after.  

_'I wanna meet you so bad, Beau. So bad.'_

But Jinhwan didn't. Jinhwan was a coward. He didn't want what they had to end, he was so comfortable in his anonymity and Junhoe had been right. He didn't want things to change. He didn't want to be shot down, or hurt. He wanted to keep his heart in tact and to put it bluntly: he was selfish. 

This thinking wasn't triggered all by himself, no, he was too duped for that. But as he was hugging the wall sadly, he was watching a girl singing to karaoke, to Yunhyeong who was sitting in a cheer and being harmlessly jeered at by his friends as well as other people who had gathered around by then. Yunhyeong looked all red and windswept, a silly grin on his face as the girl ran a finger along his jawline which made everyone go crazy. It seemed like a dream. Or a nightmare. Perhaps too mellow to be one of those but it still felt like it, to Jinhwan.  

In a dream, Jinhwan would storm up to them and snatch the microphone from the girl, singing along perfectly to the song he didn't even know as Yunhyeong looked up at him in awe and everyone cheered even louder.

In a nightmare, his feet would be stuck to the ground and he'd watch until the end, until the girl slowly brought the mic down and pulled Yunhyeong into a kiss, and Yunhyeong wouldn't look like he hated it, and Jinhwan would break down into tears. 

What would  _actually_  happen?

_'I think I'm quite smitten for you, Beau.'_

_Yeah, I don't think so, Song Yunhyeong. No-one is, no-one ever will be._

Jinhwan tore his eyes away, irrevocably sobered, kind of, as he walked over to the sofa where Junhoe was still with the mysterious guy, looking so in love when he kissed Junhoe's cheek and rested his head on his chest once Jinhwan came up to them from behind, tapping Junhoe's shoulder. Junhoe looked up at him, face brushed a permanent, soft pink as he smiled dreamily. "Hey, hyung." 

"Is this seriously what you've been doing all this time?" 

"Well, it's the best thing that's ever happened to me so I'm not complaining." 

"Can you come with me for a sec? Outside? I think I need you," Jinhwan muttered, his voice sounding so small and the world still seemed out of focus. Junhoe blinked, face instantly growing worried as he looked down at the guy with him. "I mean, sure, I think he's fallen asleep now anyway...hey, are you sleeping?" 

The guy raised his head, smiling brightly. "Not sleeping. Just listening to your heart." 

Junhoe made an undignified noise as Jinhwan's own heart swelled. "Okay, you two are too cute, I'm not breaking you up yet. I'll be fine." 

"Y-You sure?" Junhoe asked breathily, trying to battle his feelings as the guy nuzzled his neck gently and Jinhwan nodded, amused as he patted Junhoe's head, straightened up, walking off and mindlessly taking hold of a cup which was in someone else's hand. He had no idea where he was going, except he did, except he didn't, and there was a lot of alcohol in his system, and he wanted to throw up. He wanted to be outside, which he finally got after pushing through far too many people but it wasn't as refreshing as he wanted it to be...though it  _was_  dark and quieter and the grass tickled his ankles softly, so he leant against the wall of the house and breathed out. Two minutes of that, growing ataraxia, then it all crashed to the ground.

"Hey, hyung?" 

_Stop imagining his voice. Don't be pathetic._

"You rushed out so fast, I saw you, are you alright?" 

_Shut up, imagination, shut up..._

"Your pink hair really made it obvious...but I'm worried. In general. Can you hear me?" 

_Please make it stop._

Jinhwan knew by now that he wasn't imagining it but he didn't let himself believe it, but the hand gently laying on his arm said otherwise, feet stepping out of the door to be on the ground next to Jinhwan's. "Jinhwan-hyung, please?" 

"Weren't you being serenaded over there?" Jinhwan asked with a tired smile, trying to keep all and every drop of bitterness out of his voice as Yunhyeong let out a sigh. 

"That was strange." 

"I'm sure you liked it." 

"I don't know. This fresh air is nice after that." 

"What was happening?" 

"Well, that girl apparently likes me and apparently everyone knows and so they just kind of jostled us and it happened. I wanted to be a good sport, of course, but..." 

"But what?" 

"But nothing. Just a bit overwhelmed," Yunhyeong diverted, smiling at Jinhwan like the sun drooping for evening to fall, but still the sun nonetheless, and Jinhwan's smile grew genuine. He loved the way Yunhyeong always glowed. "You?" 

"Oh, I'm just kinda...tipsy...don't worry." 

"Wanna lean on me? You're kinda swaying a tiny, tiny bit," Yunhyeong teased though worry still shone through his tone and Jinhwan's heart skipped. 

"I'm good." 

"That's great." 

A few moments passed of nice silence, soft breeze and Yunhyeong's foot tapping the ground gently as Jinhwan kept sipping from the drink he had stolen. Then Yunhyeong said quietly in a voice that somehow seemed synchronised with the wind (Junhoe's poeticality had been getting into Jinhwan's head lately), "Can I ask you a question?" 

Jinhwan nodded, not wanting to ruin the peace with his vocal chords that he couldn't quite control completely, and Yunhyeong nodded too, quiet for a second before speaking. "How do I show someone how much they mean to me, if I've never met them, and I can't meet them?" 

 _Is this about me?_  

"You just have to keep trying hard with the same method you've been contacting them. That's the best you can do." 

"What if it doesn't feel like enough?" 

"Do  _they_  think it's enough?"

"I...I think so. But that hurts a little, because it doesn't seem like it should be enough." 

"Got a lotta feelings about this person, huh?" 

"I guess...has Junhoe told you about it?" Yunhyeong asked, peering at Jinhwan curiously who put on an innocent 'I don't know' face, shaking his head. "Well...I guess I should stop talking to you about it. This person keeps to himself so much and he only  _just_  trusts me, I bet he wouldn't appreciate me spreading the word about him."

Jinhwan smiled gently, hiding his face in his cup. The fact that Yunhyeong cared to that point, it felt like a dream, and Jinhwan would question more about it just for his own selfish desires but he decided not to and besides, he couldn't say a single word when Yunhyeong rested his head on his shoulder gently and all of Jinhwan's organs stopped working for a split-second. "Y-Yunhyeong...?"  

"Shhhh. I like being touchy-feely, don't shoot me down this time," Yunhyeong hummed, closing his eyes. Jinhwan gulped silently. "And I've been thinking about what you said, 'we're on different ends of the spectrum', and that's just stupid, you know? Sorry for saying that. I mean, we're all people. Same type of flesh and blood and basic thoughts and all that. I think you're pretty and funny and secretly  _super_  good at athletics, no-one can chase a ball as mesmerisingly as you." 

Jinhwan wanted to cry. "Shut up." 

"I just wanted to tell you that. I'll never think of you as anything less than a person, a person that I like, a person with great fashion sense like you look  _hot_  today- please don't punch me! I'm trying to get a motivational message thing across! And we don't have to talk if you don't want to, I've been getting those kinds of vibes from you, I just...want to make sure you don't hate me but, definitely more importantly, that you don't hate yourself either." 

Then Yunhyeong was raising his head and moving away, walking back inside to the house which allowed Jinhwan to finally get his breath back and wonder how he had been able to get this lucky to live in the same time as the sweetest boy alive. Yeah. He had definitely fallen for the right person. 

It was hard to make the smile leave his lips as he drank from his cup, realising a little too late that it wasn't alcohol at all but some kind of soda. But that was fine. He was drunk off of love anyway. 

- 

_Dear Yunhyeong,_

_Wow, you're too cute, I don't understand. Yeah, I'm a boy, I hadn't even realised that I hadn't told you yet but I guess I'm glad you know since this is one of the cutest letters I've ever got from you?? Let me tell you now, I'm not tall...I wish...but I'm not short either! And your imagination may paint me in a better light, who knows? My friend here majorly agrees with the 'wicked smirk' part, by the way. I have no idea how he could even come to that conclusion.  
_

_You've implied many times that you've wanted to meet me. And usually I've ignored it, brushed past it, because the truth is, I'm scared, and selfish. Do you even have any idea how much I love writing letters to you, knowing this makes you smile? It's something I hold dearest. You mean so much to me. I love the way I know your favourite band and your morning routine and what you get at the convenience store each Saturday because we talk about anything and everything in these pages, and it's so wonderful. I feel like in any scenario that it could change, it would change for the worst. I just don't want that._

_I'm so sorry._

_Love,_  
 _Beau_ ♡

- 

_Beau,_

_I told you it was perfectly fine if you didn't want to meet me._

- 

_Dear Yunhyeong,_

_NOOOO please don't be angry with me!! I love you so much! I'll bake you muffins, I'll do anything! Please understand me...it's terrifying loving someone like this, you know? I want what's best for you, and I wanna keep being able to tell you I love love love you without being too worried and nervous about it and this is the perfect way._ _I know you want me to think we're all people, we're all essentially the same, but you're hauntingly beautiful. You're incredible. You're a prince. It's so daunting._ _But maybe one day, I'll try and be your knight off the paper._

_Here's a cupcake. For my deepest apologies and amour._

_Love,_  
 _Beau_ ♡

- 

_Beau,_

_I'm so so sorry I was childish and horrible, I've been regretting giving you that letter all day and I shouldn't have DONE it but...God, Beau, you're so amazingly sweet. This cupcake tastes so good. You're so beautiful. You're so Beau._

_Of course I get it, and I'll never be upset at you for a thing like that. You know that 'love' I sign off these letters with. That represents LOVE. Who would've thought it?? Anyway...all this love I have for you, it's still there, it'll always be there, it's not about to leave anytime soon. So let's take it slow. Just as long as I can kiss your face off when we actually do meet!_

_Love,_   
_Yunhyeong_

_p.s. goodness gracious I love this cupcake so much you've successfully made me love you more than I ever thought I would whether you made it or noT_


	4. Chapter 4

As much as he didn't want to, Jinhwan managed to separate Junhoe and the mystery guy who had sort of turned to cuddling with kisses in between, and a permanent 'I've won the lottery' look was on Junhoe's face, only snapping out of it when Jinhwan was saying they had to go. The guy patted Junhoe's hair down, kissing him goodbye and Junhoe breathed out in a trance, quickly reaching out to kiss him again before yelping when Jinhwan hit his head.

"So did you get his number?" Jinhwan asked as they left the house, walking out into the night and Junhoe shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"I didn't think I should, I mean...we didn't talk much. I wasn't sure if he was drunk or not, I mean I couldn't taste that much alcohol on him but...probably a lightweight. Why else would he be into me to  _that_  extent? He won't like me sober..."

"Okay, that's stupid. You're already in love-" 

"I'm NOT-"

"-just go into sports mode and be confident, idiot, if this was a one-night-stand then I've lost all respect for you."

"It's not a one-night-stand, we only kissed!" Junhoe yelped, red brushing up his face while Jinhwan scoffed, crossing his arms.

"You think it needs to involve sex,  _please_. You're so youthful. Go get the dude's number."

Junhoe blinked, looking all kinds of confused but he still walked back to the house and Jinhwan grinned, waiting a few minutes and he almost rolled his eyes when he saw Junhoe coming back looked all windswept and wide-eyed. "Guessing he kissed you again?"

"This dude's put a spell on me, I don't...I-I can't-"

"What's his name?"

Junhoe blanched before spinning around and jogging back where he came from, making Jinhwan giggle. He didn't notice Yunhyeong smiling at the sound amidst his cronies as they walked down the road, and the guy in particular hesitated for a second. Wondering if he should go up to the cute moody pink-haired guy with a lopsided smile on his face, before he just left it. It would be weird, and he knew Jinhwan wouldn't want him to. 

They were both all giggly as they stumbled back home, drunk on love or alcohol with Jinhwan's arm wrapped around Junhoe's as he tried his best to walk as sober-like as he could but it didn't work very well, and he let out a loud 'shhhhh' as they spilled into his house. "My parents'll be sleeping!" 

"Okay,  _okay,_ " Junhoe whisper-yelled and Jinhwan tugged him over to the sofa which they both collapsed on, tired but not tired enough. Seiyeon smiled at them from the kitchen, rolling her eyes. 

"Donc...était-il bon?" Jinhwan asked sneakily, a smirk on his face and Junhoe blinked, knowing that his limited French was at least good enough to understand that. 

"Uh...yeah?" 

Jinhwan's smirk grew bigger and Junhoe felt even more confused until Seiyeon called out, "He's basically asking you if this guy was good in bed, honey."

Junhoe yelped like a scalded cat, slapping Jinhwan's arm as the elder cackled, falling against Junhoe. "Alright, I'm sorry! Was he tho- okay, ow!" 

"For some reason, he kept calling me 'wonder'," Junhoe muttered. "I have no idea why. Guess I'll never find out why anyway." 

"What do you mean? You've got his number." 

Junhoe only shrugged, making Jinhwan frown but in the end that was that.   

It wasn't long before they were both in bed after freshening up, sleeping at different ends and the classic complaining about stinky feet came back into play before they'd settle, and Jinhwan could really feel his head just starting to ache, very dully but it was there and he was  _not_  excited for the next morning. Though he cracked an eye open when he heard a shuffle, then another, before Junhoe was rolling about and resurfacing the other way around, peeking his head out of the blanket so it was right in front of Jinhwan's. Jinhwan couldn't hold back a grin. "Hello." 

"I'm still worried, you know," Junhoe muttered, looking like he found it strange to be so sentimental which he probably did. "What happened earlier?" 

Jinhwan's smile grew a little warmer at the concern. "You're cute, you know that?" 

Junhoe grimaced, fully leaning back. "That  _better_  be no homo."

"Of course it is, idiot, come here," Jinhwan snorted, pulling Junhoe closer again. "I just find it sweet how such a big block like you has the ability to care like you do. Anyway, it's nothing. I was just a sad drunk who saw Yunhyeong being serenaded by a very pretty girl who I could never compete with, so." 

Junhoe pouted, eyes growing sad. "Oh, hyung-" 

"Don't sound like that, it's stupid. Besides, he talked to me after."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Apparently he didn't like it as much as he looked so...who knows anymore?" 

"You're pretty," Junhoe said out of nowhere, making Jinhwan raise an eyebrow. "Your looks can compete with any girl in the school. In the  _neighbourhood_. Not every boy, I still exist, but basically everyone and I know you know that, you just don't act like it."

"I don't need to act like it - also, don't say I  _know_  that, I'm not as pretentious as you." 

"Come on. You know you're hot," Junhoe said with a grin, poking Jinhwan's cheek and Jinhwan pretended to bite his finger off. "I wonder how much of a fuckboy you would have been if you weren't so in love with one measly guy." 

"If you call him measly again, I'll skewer you." 

"Alright, tiger! Besides, I'm lying. You're an introvert. It's sad how you only get flirty as heck once you get to know someone." 

"Say that again, baby, I liked it," Jinhwan murmured lowly, stroking Junhoe's jaw and laughing when Junhoe clamped his mouth shut, shaking his head wildly to pry Jinhwan off. "Goodnight, kid."

Junhoe clamped his arms around Jinhwan this time, making the latter grin. "Night." 

***

"Beau?" 

Jinhwan opened his eyes in alarm, seeing Yunhyeong smiling down at him. "W-What?" 

"I knew it was you," Yunhyeong said, smile soft as he pulled Jinhwan up, arm wrapping around Jinhwan's waist as he pulled the elder into his chest and Jinhwan- well, Jinhwan was dying, burning up the instant Yunhyeong's thumb brushed over his cheek. "Mon cheri, tu deviennes mienne pour toujours?" 

Jinhwan kind of forgot to wonder why Yunhyeong was suddenly speaking perfect French because having the love of his life asking him if he'd be his forever was  _definitely_  enough to distract him because yes, Jinhwan one hundred percent would (heck, he already was). "I-I- how did you find ou-" 

"Don't worry about that," Yunhyeong whispered, pushing Jinhwan against a wall that had materialised out of nowhere, and his breath was ghosting Jinhwan's neck. "Didn't I say I wanted to kiss your face off if we ever met?" 

Jinhwan let out a shaky breath, harshly tugging on Yunhyeong's collar so they could finally,  _finally_  kiss, something that Jinhwan had been wishing for far too long of a time except when it was supposed to come, it didn't. Instead there was just nothingness, and Jinhwan was unwillingly snapped out of it by a soft ball hitting his head. "Jinhwan, my man, daydreaming are we?!" 

Jinhwan groaned, rubbing his head even though that ball was probably filled with rainbows and sunshine if it came from the person it did. "Sorry, I'm...I'll get back to it..." 

"I saw your side aerial earlier and it was so beautiful that I might be in  _love,_ " Hanbin sniffed, hand over his heart and Jinhwan grinned, shy but pleased, and then Hanbin was winking at him. "So come on, I'm sure you can take a break." 

Jinhwan looked at the clock, blinking in surprise when he realised that more time had passed than he thought it did, far over half an hour which was how long he had been planning to spend there. Either his daydreaming took way too much time or he had got too caught up in practice again. His muscles  _did_  feel weary, and Hanbin looked so inviting... "Okay, okay, fine." 

Hanbin beamed, taking hold of Jinhwan's hand and then they were running out and down the corridor leading outside, Jinhwan giggling from the adrenaline and the sheer stupidity of it all. Hanbin was always good at that, making people feel better even if they didn't know themselves that they needed to feel better, and Jinhwan always wanted to give him a hug. 

Kim Hanbin was that typical hot older guy from university who everyone had a bit of a crush on, and he was a volunteer for Jinhwan's gymnastics studio, having learnt gymnastics there himself when he was younger and he had been a  _prodigy_. Hanbin himself kept it under wraps, just sipping a Pepsi while others would talk about it but the studio loved flaunting it, talking about all his achievements and showing his videos. Jinhwan had yet to ask Hanbin why he didn't train for the Olympics because he was worried he'd get a sad story, and Hanbin didn't deserve to be made sad when all he ever did was make others happy with his jokes and ice-cream and advice. 

"Don't tell anyone else but ice-cream dates with you are always the best," Hanbin said as they sat at a table just outside the ice-cream parlour next to the leisure centre they had been in, licking his chocolate ice-cream. Jinhwan could only scoff. 

"I bet you tell that to everyone you bring here." 

"What- no I don't! Don't accuse me like this!" Hanbin yelped, bringing his fist down. "That would make people for sure accuse me of pedophilia more than they already do. Most of you are like...five to ten years younger than me. Nuh-uh, can't do that without getting suspicions, that's why I'm usually bringing ice-cream  _to_  the studio but you? You're eighteen, you're fine." 

"Eighteen's still not legal." 

"I never asked to be born in Korea who wanted to be edgy and make it nineteen like, why the fuck?"  

Jinhwan really didn't want to laugh but he couldn't help it, accidentally head-butting his ice-cream and Hanbin smiled gently as he reached out to brush it off of Jinhwan's face. That was just Hanbin's personality, he'd make anyone and everyone feel like he was their boyfriend, and it used to affect Jinhwan so much to the point that he'd burn up and not be able to speak anymore. Hanbin would just laugh and hug him, making it  _worse_. Now it was just like second nature. 

"So what was distracting you back there?" 

"Just kinda...weird thoughts," Jinhwan mumbled, wincing at the memory and he tried not to clutch his ice-cream so tight that he'd break the cone. And it  _had_  been weird, how had his imagination got Yunhyeong's personality so wrong? Yunhyeong would never be that weirdly confident straight off the bat. "You don't have to worry about it." 

"Ah, come on, I'll always worry. Love life?" Hanbin studied Jinhwan's face before whistling in amazement. "Damn, I've never guessed something right on the first try. Who's hustling ya, or do  _you_  wanna be the hustler? Plot twist!" 

"Shut  _up_ , it's not like that," Jinhwan grumbled, shaking his head. "You know about Yunhyeong.  _Everyone_  knows Yunhyeong." 

Hanbin blinked. "To be fair, I only knew him because I fought him for a toothbrush. Gosh, how many people has he been fighting for toothbrushes?!"  

"Wait, you know him because you fought him for a  _toothbrush_? That's adorable," Jinhwan murmured, a smile growing on his face as he imagined Yunhyeong's face growing red while he desperately tried to pull the toothbrush to his side, yelling something about the damn system being broken for not having more of those toothbrushes. Hanbin eyed Jinhwan curiously, nodding as he leant back and licked his ice-cream in thought. 

"Yeah, I let him have it 'cause he was too cute. Are you telling me  _that_  dude's my competition? I would have beaten him if I tried, seriously, I'm better than him!" 

"Stop it, idiot, your boyfriend wouldn't be happy about that," Jinhwan snorted and Hanbin blinked, smile faltering for a second. 

"What boyfriend?"  

"So you still don't have one? Checks out." 

A flash of relief passed through Hanbin's eyes that Jinhwan didn't catch before he kicked the latter under the table, making Jinhwan howl in pain though he was still laughing. "That's so offensive, I'm not liking your attitude today!" 

"This is my attitude every day-" 

"I never like your attitude." 

"Well, I've never liked you anyway so fair play." 

Hanbin gasped in pained horror, hand on his heart for a very different reason to earlier and Jinhwan ate his ice-cream to muffle his giggles. To be honest, he was sure glad that Hanbin didn't have a boyfriend because ever since Chanwoo broke it to him that he had a mammoth crush on the guy, Jinhwan had to be majorly careful to hide whenever Hanbin would act cutesy to someone else. He knew Chanwoo and Hanbin weren't likely to happen - Hanbin was just out of everyone's reach, known for sweetly rejecting people and hugging them afterwards. Chanwoo was different, though. Chanwoo didn't  _get_  crushes. Jinhwan found it weird that Hanbin had bewitched him too.  

_"Are you ever gonna ask him out?"_

_"Probably. When I'm old enough to sweep him off his feet."_

_Jinhwan stared at Chanwoo in confused disgust. "I can't believe it's taken sixteen years for you to come out as an absolute sap."_

"So, what's going through your head about this Yunhyeong?" 

Jinhwan shrugged, smiling a little sadly. "I'm just a bit too in love with him, you know? It's kind of worrying." 

"No, it's not worrying at all. You're the type of person who loves selectively but strongly, and it just goes to show how incredible he is if he makes you feel like this. Don't make yourself think that it's something bad because if anything, it's special. I'm really rooting for it, but of course it's whenever you're ready." 

"I love you," Jinhwan blurted out and Hanbin looked delighted. 

"Oh darling, it's far too early for such a thing." 

"I've known you for three years." 

"That's kind of touché."

Whenever you're ready. 

_Whenever I'm ready._

Hanbin was the first person to have ever said that. People who knew, Seiyeon, his parents, Junhoe, they all found him crazy for not having confessed to Yunhyeong yet but Hanbin seemed to get it. He got that Jinhwan was terrified of love and his own feelings and just  _Yunhyeong_. All of it. He got that Jinhwan wasn't used to it and found it weird, even though it was him himself who was having the crush. Jinhwan might never be ready but he didn't need to do anything until he was.  

Of course, there was the petrifying concept that Yunhyeong would have let go of Beau by the time Jinhwan  _was_  ready. 

But first and foremost, Jinhwan had to care about himself.  

_I'll tell him one day. One day, I'll sit him down and tell him everything, what everything meant, everything that happened. Then it's his choice where we go next._

- 

_Dear Yunhyeong,_

_I can't believe these kinds of things happen to you. You've gotta tell me the reasons why one day, I'm not content anymore just hearing the stories! Though, accidentally eating an ant which you could barely taste can't be much worse than when a little birdie told me that you fought someone for a toothbrush._

_I've been thinking recently how letters are so old-fashioned, and it makes me sad. This must be one of the only ways they're used now, right, for personal reasons? Universities and job applications and bills - they're all impersonal and formal but imagine being in the 70s and writing a long letter to your sweetheart absolutely pouring your own heart out, or writing to your dad once they've moved back to their home country about how much you miss them. I really like letters, I think, or at least this has definitely made me like it more. I know you'll laugh at me about this but once I imagined...us being, like, married, and living together, and we have this perfect life, but we still write letters to each other. Stupid, right? Like we'd ever be married, ha._

_I don't really know what to write today. But know I love you so much!_

_Love,_  
 _Beau_ ♡ 

- 

_Dearest Beau,_

_It seems like a thousand years since I've seen your face._

_And it absolutely has been, seeing as I never have seen it in this life but I'm sure I have in another._

_Thinking about you always keeps me going. Knowing that there's someone loving me so much and I want to love you just as much, is that so hard to ask? I hope these letters are enough to show my filled heart that weeps for you. I love my little sweetheart that waits for me - wait a little longer. I'll be there soon, to hold you forever and kiss you wherever I can, engraving my love into your skin, letting you know how much I miss you, always. I go crazy thinking about you kissing me and holding me too - it's all I want. When you go for a week without replying to me, I feel as if I want to drown in the sorrowing wait. How am I supposed to know that you'll truly be mine forever?_

_With all my love,_   
_Yunhyeong_

- 

_YUNHYEONG WHAT THE FUCK I'M DYING; BY THE TIME YOU'VE READ THIS, I'M DEAD_

- 

_AHAHAHA BEAU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DON'T DIE PLEASE OR I'LL DIE DON'T MAKE THIS ROMEO AND JULIET_

_You said that thing about writing letters to your sweetheart and that was the only thing I could think about doing! I mean, you're my sweetheart, right? If we look at this technically, I think so. Also it's not like I was exaggerating that much...oh gosh, now I'm getting shy. Can you burn that letter, please?_

_I mean, it's very true about that week thing. That one time you didn't reply for two weeks- oh my GOD, don't remind me. Anyway, I'm burning up too much to write this letter, I'm gonna cop out. Should we forget it ever happened? Yes. Let's. Why am I blushing this hard over someone I've never met??_

_ALSO NOW I CAN ASK HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE TOOTHBRUSH THING?!_

_Love,_   
_Yunhyeong_


	5. Chapter 5

"I have a proposition for you."

Jinhwan blinked, looking up from where he was very pleasantly enjoying a sausage roll. "You what?"

"You know that we're going to have a project coming up in music, right?" Junhoe asked, taking a seat next to Jinhwan who wrinkled his nose, leaning away from him.

"Personal space?"

"We cuddled like just a few nights ago."

"I thought we silently agreed to never speak of that again."

"See, I thought so too but then I realised that it makes  _you_  more disgusted than it makes me so, I'm just gonna bring it up whenever I want," Junhoe said with the brightest grin, and Jinhwan stared at him.

"You make absolutely no sense- no, it's not even that. You make sense, but the worst sense possible."

"I am a terrible person, hyung, I thrive this way."

"What's the proposition, idiot?"

"Okay okay, in the project...how about you sing?"

For a moment, the world stopped. 

"I can't sing."

"Says the person who gives me pointers 24/7?" Junhoe asked with raised eyebrows. "Look, I already know you can sing, I've heard it so you can't bullshit you're way around me. And I know that it's me and Yunhyeong-hyung's  _thing_  to duet in projects but it's gonna be your last one before you go, hyung. I want you to be explosive and live up to your fullest potential and all that bleh. And, as a plus to make this for sure something you'll never forget...get to duet with the love of your life?"

"I  _knew_  it. I KNEW it was about that!" Jinhwan yelped in accusation, getting up and Junhoe slowly got up too, holding out his arms in a weak attempt for appeasement.

"Wait a second-"

"I'm not gonna duet with him! I can't listen to him singing without giving him the biggest heart eyes and then he'll  _see_  those and then find out I'm in love with him and no, that can never _-_ "

"Okay, fine! It's not like I was ever gonna  _make_  you do anything!" Junhoe fought back, eyebrows creased in slight hurt and Jinhwan deflated immediately.

"I know, I'm sorry...if you want me to sing just as me or with you then I can do that."

Junhoe sighed, shaking his head. "No, hyung, you're not- I want you to want to do it. If you're not gonna do it for you then there's no point so, whatever."

Then the bell was ringing and Jinhwan jolted, quickly stuffing the rest of his roll in his mouth and he just about noticed Junhoe walking off but he had to let the guy go, he would probably be going to his classroom. 

Jinhwan sighed, drooping a little and he realised that he needed to get walking now too, so he wiped his mouth with his sleeve and set off, telepathically sending Junhoe the most apologetic strings of words he could think of. And while walking past the certain crook by the library, his eyes always just curved over to look on instinct, just in case, and this time he stopped right in his tracks. He could see something. And for a minute he just stood there, smiling at someone who walked by and as soon as they were gone, he rushed like a madman to the crook and crouched down, quickly taking out the piece of paper but still handling it with the utmost care.

_Beau! This isn't a letter or anything, I know you haven't replied to me yet so like it'd be kinda stupid if I sent you another letter, but remember last year when I told you I'd send you a playlist of my favourite songs? I just remembered, because I was listening to it while reading one of your letters! Ahhhh I'm excited I don't know WHY I am, but I AM and I just- I'll just give it to you now. So, uh, not that I'm suggesting it or anything but like, if you wanna serenade me some time..._

And Jinhwan hadn't even realised that he had taken a seat on the ground as he looked through the songs, smiling more and more. He knew more of them than he didn't and Yunhyeong didn't really have a certain type, there were sad songs, love, soft, rock, edm, but they all seemed sweet, if that made sense. Just like how Jinhwan couldn't have imagined Yunhyeong listening to songs with weird lyrics.

'I Love You' by EXID was the last song on the list and Yunhyeong had circled the song title in yellow and pink with an addition of exclamation marks and God...he was so cute that it hurt. But then the premonition of time suddenly hit Jinhwan and he pulled up his sleeve to check his watch, blinking when he realised that he had definitely missed registration by now...but what did that matter, when he had a free next? In theory, he could go to the music hall. Play the perfect song, either one from Yunhyeong's playlist, or even one from his own because he was so disgustingly whipped that he really had a playlist of songs that reminded him of Yunhyeong. Because why  _shouldn't_  he make himself fall more in love with a boy he would never get through one of his favourite things: music.

Jinhwan decided not to care, because that was exactly what he was going to do.

***

"Yunhyeong!" the principal was calling out, making Yunhyeong blink in surprise but he tried to turn as calmly as was reasonable. He noticed the kid next to the principal, and he waved a little to him and the guy waved back happily.

"Sir?"

"This here is Kim Donghyuk. He's joining the school as a sophomore," the principal said brightly, patting Donghyuk's shoulder lightly and the kid looked up, smiling at Yunhyeong and it was such a sweet smile that Yunhyeong felt like the sun had appeared, even though the sky was completely clouded and...they were inside. "I was wondering if you could show him around? I'm sure you're familiar with the school by now."

"Oh, of course!" Yunhyeong liked doing these kinds of things. It made him feel good, just to help. 

"Ah, thank you, Yunhyeong. Okay, Donghyuk, I ensure you that you're in good hands now. Try and keep the tour in this period, then off to your lessons, you two!" The principal was off then, and Yunhyeong was left in the company with this Donghyuk sunshine sophomore kid. With blonde hair.  _Woah_. Yunhyeong found dying hair kind of pointless, but when people like Jinhwan and Donghyuk looked as good as they did then he couldn't really complain. Maybe he'd try it one day...

"So, where did you transfer from?" Yunhyeong asked as they walked along the corridor, and Donghyuk shrugged.

"I was homeschooled, actually."

Yunhyeong stared at him for a moment, slightly amazed. "Oh wow! That's cool." He didn't really know what else to say without being insensitive, and he felt a little disheartened when Donghyuk shook his head.

"Nah, not really. I told my mother that I really wanted to get a public school experience for once." 

"I get that."

"Are you a senior?"

"No, just a junior. Here's the lunch hall, by the way." 

"Ooh...it looks like just like in movies..." 

Yunhyeong grinned, nodding, and Donghyuk was so sweetly enthralled the more they went through the place. Donghyuk decided to even check out one of the bathrooms at some point and Yunhyeong offered to hold his bag for him but his eyes widened when he realised how damn  _heavy_  it was. What on earth was in it? He could look...no, no, no he absolutely could  _not_. He just suffered in his curiosity and painted another smile on his face when Donghyuk came back only moments later, a bright look on his face like always (and Yunhyeong felt like he really could say that even after knowing him for only half an hour). "There's such a massive mirror on the side!" 

"I know. It's strange, right? Guess the school went for that but not a helpful one above the actual sinks..."

Donghyuk laughed, and they were on their way again as Yunhyeong handed Donghyuk back his bag, quiet for a second before he was blurting out, "Why is your bag so heavy?" and dear lord, he really did almost walk himself into a wall because  _why_  did he- 

"Ah, there are spray cans, I do arty stuff," Donghyuk answered, not looking fazed in the slightest and Yunhyeong blinked in interest. Why was this new guy so much cooler than him... "I really like how grounded spray can art keeps you? You have to really  _think_  to be able to do good art with it since it's not fine tip or anything, and you need to really get to grips with how to handle it...I like the feeling." 

"Am I going to expect some real good graffiti on the walls in this school from now on, then?" Yunhyeong joked and Donghyuk grinned at him, eyes crinkling. 

"Maybe."  

They were nearing the music block by now which Yunhyeong was excited for, ready to gush over every single cupboard, every single little item, and he was about to throw open the doors like a  _king_  before he paused once his hand reached the handles because he could hear something. It was quiet from out here, so quiet, but he was already...intrigued. Who was in there, what were they practising for?  

"So, this is the music block. Behind these doors is the music hall, it's also where the school plays take place," Yunhyeong said proudly, and Donghyuk looked just as happy as him which made warmth curl around his heart. "I don't know if you're into music, but you definitely look it. Let's go in." 

"I'd like that." 

So they went in and immediately, the raw sweetness of live music hit Yunhyeong's ears and for the moment, he forgot about Donghyuk. He really didn't mean to. But he simply turned around and slowly walked down a few aisles before taking a seat as he stared entranced at the stage, where a familiar pink-haired senior was strumming a guitar and singing into a microphone with a grin on his face. The microphone wasn't even  _on_ but his honey-sweet voice projected, and Yunhyeong was holding his breath. 

"C'était d'abord un regard, d'accord, un verre au bar,  _d'accord_ , mais c'est tout!" Jinhwan sang, his voice filled with laughter as it warbled at the end and Yunhyeong didn't quite realise that he couldn't understand a word. He just knew Jinhwan was being so beautiful in his own way, of having fun. "Des rires en bas, des gens dehors, ça dure, j'adore, c'était facile d'être nous..." 

_'It was first a look, okay, a drink at the bar, **okay** , but that's all!_

_Some laughs below, some people outside, it lasts, I love, it's easy to be us.'_

"Who's that?" Donghyuk asked in amazement as Jinhwan let out a quiet cheer, twirling around as he strummed, his eyes closed, and Yunhyeong watched him with a smile on his face. 

"That's Kim Jinhwan, a senior, and one of the most brilliant people at this school. He'll surprise you every day." 

"Is he popular?" 

"Not at all. Otherwise, his power would be far too great."

"No kidding..." 

The song went so quick that it was sad, and the instant Jinhwan hit the last strum, Donghyuk was clapping which made Jinhwan look up and Yunhyeong ducked behind the seats so quick that his leg cramped, making him hiss. Yet against common expectations, Jinhwan only beamed at Donghyuk, bowing, and then the guy was actually running down the steps  _towards_  him and Yunhyeong wasn't quite sure what was happening.

"You're so good!" 

"Ah, not really. This was really nice to do, though, it's been a while since I've sang. Well, outside my bedroom," Jinhwan said, his voice gentle just like when he sang and Yunhyeong wished Jinhwan would talk to  _him_  like that. "And hey...I recognise you? Just a little? Do you go here?" 

"Oh, um, I actually haven't started yet but I'm going to," Donghyuk said, sounding a little confused. "What do you mean by-" 

Jinhwan suddenly snapped his fingers, eyes wide. "Were you at a party recently that you got really drunk at?" 

Donghyuk looked shy now. "O-Oh...so that's where you-" 

"You were with my cousin! Oh my God, he was coddling you and everything...who are you?" 

"Kim Donghyuk but I seriously don't know anyone who'd 'coddle' me. I guess your cousin was too nice to let me be so drunk alone..." 

Jinhwan's eyes were sharp with curiosity as he stared at Donghyuk, but then he was smiling. "That adds up. I think. Chanwoo's actually not the publicly nicest but he is sweet and he's really nice to  _me_  when I'm drunk, so." 

Then the bell was ringing and Yunhyeong winced, fighting with himself before he quickly hopped up, almost falling over the next row of chairs. "That's time! Wow! Goes so fast! Let's go, Donghyuk! Oh hi, Jinhwan-hyung! Forget I was here! This was nice!" 

Then Yunhyeong was running to the stage, grabbing Donghyuk's arm and running back off, with Donghyuk giggling in his ear about how weird he was acting but Yunhyeong couldn't care less when he saw the utter shock in Jinhwan's eyes when he had seen Yunhyeong, like he had been  _betrayed_  or something. God, every encounter he had with the guy made him so embarrassed to the point that he never wanted to engage with him again. But he still did. Because no matter how out of reach Jinhwan seemed, how unlikeable he made himself look, Yunhyeong held Jinhwan in such a high regard that...it just made him sad. 

** Jinhwan Checklist **

_\- fast runner_

_\- can fit into ANY SPACE_

_\- sharp tongue (means he's smart)_

_\- smooth talker (junhoe says)_

_\- so cute. so pretty_

_\- looks good in any hair colour_

_\- speaks french??? I think I gotta confirm that_

_\- the best voice ever_

_Total Admiration Level: 100_

In Yunhyeong's eyes, Jinhwan could take over the world if he wanted to. He wished they could be friends. How could he be friends with  _Junhoe_  and not him? From all the times Yunhyeong had listened to Junhoe just randomly bring him up, talking about things like Jinhwan's habits or times they went out together, Yunhyeong had never even thought about that. 

Jinhwan said him and Yunhyeong were in separate leagues, but wouldn't he think the same about Junhoe? 

Yunhyeong didn't understand any of it and he was kind of sick of trying, so maybe he should just stick to admiring Jinhwan and lowkey idolising him and just...stop trying to talk to him. 

Besides, now he could focus on something else because when he passed the library, he noticed that the letter he had put there earlier wasn't there anymore and he couldn't help but smile. At least one person loved him, whoever he was, wherever he was. No-one else mattered when it was just him and Beau. 

- 

_Dear Yunhyeong,_

_So, the playlist._

_The PLAYLIST._

_I don't think you can get any sweeter. And, yes, I loved it to pieces and pieces, your music style is cute as hell. And more foreign artists than I thought there would be, we love a worldwide man! Or well, I do. Lots and lots and lots. Just for reference, this worldwide man is you._

_Don't make fun of me...please, please don't, we already know how creepily infatuated I am with you but I have this one playlist but it's like, songs that remind me of you. Really sweet soft lithe songs, like Have It All by Jason Mraz, Paint by Moonmoon, Love Is Easy by McFly. I mean, love isn't easy. Otherwise I'd have revealed myself to you and we'd be the couple of my dreams right now. But the lyrics are the kind of thing I know that you'd say to make someone feel better, to make your special someone, whoever that lucky person may end up being, happy. You'd be laughing the clouds away, you'd be chirping like a bird, you're the song and you're just so many songs because you're a song. A beautiful song. My favourite song. My Song Yunhyeong. Not mine. But sometimes, I like to dream. _

_Love,_  
_Beau_ ♡ 

- 

_Beau,_

_Keep the my, because I'm yours. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that before you actually realise._

_I was feeling down lately but here you are to be your perfect self and lift me right back up. Tell me, Beau. How do you make someone like you? How do you know the reasons why someone doesn't like you? Ugh. I can't believe I've got so used to people liking me that now I've just become so burdened when one person doesn't - that's just DISGUSTING. I DISGUST me. I'll leave it be. I know you'll tell me to just keep being me and they'll end up loving me but that's not working, I'm just honestly not great enough for that...I'm sad..._

_Completely unrelated, but did you know that Kim Jinhwan from senior year is a suuuuuper good singer? I'm so shocked but I should've known._

_Beau, I'll never ever make fun of you, you CUTIE, now I want this playlist oh my gosh you're going to make me cry. I'm listening to the McFly song now and it's turning me into melted marshmallow. I adore it almost as much as I adore you._

_Let's dream together, Beau._

_Love,_  
_Yunhyeong_

_-_

_Dear Yunhyeong,_

_Aw no, you've been feeling down? But you're the sun that never sets...let me be the one to cheer you up for once even though I'm absolutely terrible at that kind of thing. Baby boy, no person can please everyone, even one as amazing as you and I think you just have to accept it. If you want to think positively then this person might just be intimidated by you, maybe they just don't feel like you and them need to have any sort of relationship. Maybe it's simply bad timing. Or perhaps they have hidden feelings for you, ugh, now I need to tell them you're mine, can you give me their name? Just for a talk!_

_Oh, Kim Jinhwan? Yeah, I've heard him sing before. I mean, he's okay._

_Maybe I'll give you the playlist one day. Maybe as a parting gift on my last day as a senior? You'll be way more soft than melted marshmallow if I give you all the songs, I'll tell you that, because God, this playlist makes me cry sometimes. THAT'S what's disgusting, this overwhelming love I have for you._

_I've been dreaming a long time, Yunhyeong, I don't think you could catch up._

_Love,_  
_Beau_ ♡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song reference: même robe qu'hier - pomme !


	6. Chapter 6

**_ 01:00, Cartoon Street _ **

The essence of Cartoon Street was that it was where graffiti was accepted as long as it was good, and catered to all audiences alike. And if you were to put graffiti in a place that had that many security cameras, well, of course you had to make sure you were good. Either at art, or disabling cameras. Donghyuk had chosen the latter but he hoped he was good at the former because no complaints yet.

As well as that, you always had to be quick with one piece. The public didn't want to see any unfinished work, so no long-term projects allowed.

Wow. Sometimes, Donghyuk couldn't believe that he was literally a rebel with  _rules_. Most times, it made too much sense.

It wasn't anything meaningful today. Just a sunset in the west as the moon watched it, reaching out for it even though it would inevitably slip out of its reach. Soft breeze blowing through it all, with leaves like teardrops. Okay, maybe it was meaningful, just not difficult. And that had to be the moment that his passive partner in crime called out, "You'll fall off if you keep teetering like that."

Donghyuk gasped, jumping down from the top of the bench instantly and he really did stumble a little but then arms were around him, holding him tight. "You're good, don't worry."

"You came," Donghyuk murmured, his voice sounding too loud amidst the quiet as he turned around and set his can down so he could cup Chanwoo's face in his hands, watching the latter smile down at him. "You look so glowy..."

"I definitely don't. You're just a little sleep-deprived, love."

"You can't call me stuff like that. It makes me fall for you more," Donghyuk said with a frown and Chanwoo froze from where he was in the middle of setting his bag on the bench. "But I'm not sleep-deprived, I slept a bit after school."

"Oh yeah, are you in the public school by now? I told you my cou-"

"Your cousin, I met him. Damn, Chanwoo, he's amazing. His voice is like - honey? And his hair is pink? And he's  _so_  nice?"

"Yep, you've met him," Chanwoo said, grinning and Donghyuk let go of his face, smoothing his hands down to rest on Chanwoo's shoulders. "I wish he'd let more people be bewitched by him. I mean he's got a pretty big ego but he utilises it in the weirdest way."

"Do you know if there's anything going on with him and a guy called, Yunhyeong?'

"Oh gosh, don't ask. There's a lot going on there, I think. And I don't even know this Yunhyeong dude's side."

"I could get the goss for you if you want."

"We're good boys, we don't do 'goss'."

"Good boys who condone graffiti."

"You were student body president."

"I was the only student and it was in my house."

"Your shoes are blue."

"What?"

"Oh, I thought we were stating irrelevant things." 

Donghyuk slapped Chanwoo's arm, making the younger giggle as he leant against the wall, holding out a can of soda. "You want this?"

"You're an angel, I swear," Donghyuk sighed, taking it as gratefully as he could and with how tall Chanwoo was, the graffiti of the sunset was just peeking out from behind his head and now he was glowing even more. Soft smile, dimples, glowing skin, a halo of yellow paint. If Chanwoo didn't want Donghyuk to be in love with him then maybe, just maybe, he needed to stop being irresistible.

"Any progress with the guy you like?"

Chanwoo's smile grew even softer. Almost pitying and Donghyuk didn't like it so much like that. "We don't need to talk about him." 

"Wow, that  _definitely_  doesn't make me sound like a side chick."

Chanwoo sighed gently, smile dropping now as he shook his head but Donghyuk put pressure against the younger's wrist, pinning him to the wall and Chanwoo blinked in surprise. Donghyuk realised disheartenedly that this whole thing would work better if he was so much taller, but this was the best he could do. "What does he have that I don't? Is it 'cause he's older? Is it that kind of vibe that's cool and dangerous? I'm like  _one_  year older than you...is it 'cause he's sporty? I do sports! I dance! Oh dear God, don't tell me he's tall. Please. If he's taller than you then I'll actually cry."

"No, Donghyuk, he's no better than you," Chanwoo said quietly and Donghyuk furrowed his eyebrows.

"Then why...?"

"I don't know anymore." 

Donghyuk slowly nodded, moving in closer and Chanwoo looked him in the eye for what Donghyuk realised was the first time that night. 

"What are you doing?" 

"Please," Donghyuk whispered, arms wrapping around Chanwoo's torso and he saw the heat rising to Chanwoo's face. "Just...let me." 

"Donghyuk..." 

"Would you date me, if I asked you?" 

"No," Chanwoo muttered, but it was breathy and uncertain. "I don't know. Maybe. Maybe...probably." 

Donghyuk slipped his hand into one of Chanwoo's which was so warm, and he leant up. "Can I do something?" 

Chanwoo looked at him, looking a bit alarmed now that Donghyuk was near eye-level and so, so close. "Well-" 

"Do you know what I wanna do?" 

"I think so."  

"Would you be my boyfriend?" Donghyuk asked, voice quiet in the darkness. And Chanwoo looked at him for a while. It was a long while. Almost too long, until Chanwoo was squeezing his hand and kissing him, closing the distance that had already been so small and Donghyuk wasn't sure if his heart had ever felt this whole.

Maybe the sun and moon weren't always out of reach from each other.

***

"What nationality is Jinhwan-hyung?" Yunhyeong asked Junhoe when he found the guy sitting outside the library snacking on an orange. Junhoe blinked, slowly swallowing the orange before he said, "French-Korean."

Yunhyeong's mouth fell open for a moment before he closed it again. "That is...very cool."

"Je pense, j'ai ecouté mon nom," Jinhwan said calmly as he peeked his head out of the library and Junhoe grinned at him while Yunhyeong took a step backwards in alarm. Where the hell had Jinhwan come from? How much had he heard?

"Yeah you did. Yunhyeong wanted to know where you're from."

Jinhwan raised his eyes to the said person, regarding Yunhyeong with what seemed like distaste and Yunhyeong was already deflated. "Why?"

"I was just...wondering," Yunhyeong mumbled, voice getting smaller by the second. "You were singing in French and-"

"I didn't ask you to come see me sing."

Yunhyeong slowly nodded, swallowing and he was about to leave until Junhoe elbowed Jinhwan in the shin, making the elder yell out.

"You're making him sad, you idiot!"

Jinhwan's expression grew surprised as he looked at Yunhyeong for a split-second before straight back at Junhoe (Yunhyeong could have got whiplash just from watching him), about to open his mouth to say something until Yunhyeong forced out a cheerful, "It's fine, I'm fine! I'll see you guys later!"

Then all Yunhyeong could do was walk off, knowing full well that he was going the wrong way but it was the least awkward thing he could do, and he didn't feel the eyes on him all the way until he was out of sight. And the instant he was gone, Jinhwan was crouching down and grabbing Junhoe by the collar, hissing, "Why the  _fuck_  did you tell him I'm French?!"

"What are you talking about?!" Junhoe yelped, paling in terror, and Jinhwan glared at him.

"Well, what if I accidentally call him chéri in a letter? He's gonna know it's me, for God's sake Junhoe, how many French-Korean people do you think there are in this school or even this damn  _country_?"

"And that's my problem how...?"

Jinhwan narrowed his eyes, clocking Junhoe's head in before letting the guy go and Junhoe rubbed his head but still smiled up at Jinhwan and held out his last three segments of orange, because Koo Junhoe was the epitome of childish evil. "You want?"

"You know I do."

"I know you know I know you do."

"I know you know I know you know I do."

"I know you know I know you know-"

There was a match today, against their rival school nonetheless, and Jinhwan had no clue if he was excited or not. After two years of these, Jinhwan had figured out that it was never consistent whether a day would turn out good or bad or just mediocre. Well, that usually correlated with wins, losses, or draws. Respectively.

"Good luck, you guys," Jinhwan said tiredly as he got onto the coach but he still smiled as bright as he could through the weariness and the wonderfully primitive hooligans of the soccer team all whooped, reaching out to high-five Jinhwan who had no idea whose hands he was slapping by the time he reached the back of the bus, waving to the mascot before collapsing next to Junhoe who was huddled into the corner, covered in at least three soccer hoodies that he probably seduced people into giving into him.

"I don't  _seduce_ , I'm just persuasive. You're the seductive one!" Junhoe would always argue and Jinhwan would simply scoff because the only time Jinhwan dared to be seductive was when asking for alcohol he wasn't old enough for and, that didn't count.

"Hyung?" Junhoe mumbled tiredly when Jinhwan leant against him and the elder nodded, patting Junhoe's arm so the other just fell back into his sleepy state, resting his head against the window. Jinhwan smiled as he cuddled up in his own puffy jacket which he would never once forget whether at practice or match.

"So, why are you so tired?"

"Remember? We stayed up talking then we watched new Noah Centineo film..."

"That dude's cute, gotta say," Jinhwan hummed, closing his eyes as Junhoe let out a small "mhm". "But we've had all-nighters where you're  _still_  like...super hype."

"Want keep energy for match."

"Wow, guess you're taking a break from grammar too."

Junhoe simply nodded, smushing his cheek against the window and Jinhwan grinned at him, resting too for what he was planning to make a short time until he was being tapped gently on the shoulder, and he blearily opened his eyes. "Hello...?"

"Coach wants to have a word," the guy said, looking a little worried and Jinhwan slowly nodded, shaking about to wake himself up.

"Thanks, Won."

"No problem."

It was honestly a hassle getting up in a moving bus but he tried his best, taking it one step at a time and he smiled when the mascot held onto him just when he was about to stumble. The mascot was the sweetest person in the world even though Jinhwan had no idea who it was under the costume, and with that in mind, it probably wasn't even just one person all the time. Maybe there were shifts. Maybe it was  _never_  the same person twice?

"Coach, everything okay?" Jinhwan asked as he shakily got to the front, holding onto the back of the seat for his dear life and the coach turned to look at him, smiling pleasantly.

"There's our ball boy. Take a seat, Jinhwan."

"I'm trying..."

Jinhwan got there eventually and the coach didn't say anything for a moment, only looking out the window before finally at Jinhwan, and her eyes looked warm which wasn't very often with her steely drive for good performance and able practice. Jinhwan was really curious now.

"I don't think you've heard since...well, we did try our best to keep it hush. But there was an instance a year ago when our basketball team went to this school. One of the players on the boys' team had dyed hair, as you may know."

"I think I do..."

"Well, he was bullied a lot because of it by the other school. Called homophobic slurs as such...I just wanted to warn you. The same may happen to you this time around with your newly dyed hair, which is very nice by the way, even though we've taken every action to try and educate not only their pupils but ours too."

Jinhwan couldn't really do anything but smile. The warmth in the coach's eyes was precedented now and Jinhwan wanted to hug her. "Thank you. It's okay, I can handle it."

"Oh, I definitely know you can. You're one of the strongest people I know, and you run up those bleachers like a lightning bolt," Coach said with a nod, and Jinhwan hoped he wasn't blushing. "Just be careful. Be alert. Don't engage to the point where it gets too far because...Jinhwan, I'm aware of your temper."

Jinhwan winced, looking down at his lap. "I know, I know. I'll...try my best."

"If we're present, and I'm sure I can speak on behalf of the whole team, we won't let anything happen to you."

"That's really nice to know."

"Always. Do you think you can make it all the way back now?"

Jinhwan's stomach lurched as if on cue and he inwardly groaned, looking behind him and he desperately wanted to say no, but then he saw Yunhyeong staring at him, lighting up when he saw that Jinhwan had noticed before shyly gesturing to the empty seat beside him. Jinhwan gulped, already feeling a sweat forming as he said a shaky, "I-I'm good," as he got up, and he was planning to make a run for it. That was a definitely an option, and Junhoe would be sad if he left him alo-  _holy crackers, this bus is going to kill me if it goes over ONE MORE SPEED BUMP-_

And that was how Jinhwan's body made him go for the easiest option which was sitting next to Yunhyeong, and he ignored the way Yunhyeong's silent excited festering made his heart do so many things.

"Hi."

"Hi!"

"Why haven't you got anyone sitting next to you?"

"Because he kicked me out so he could make space for you," Gongchan said sadly as he peeked out from the seat in front to face them, pouting and Yunhyeong kept stammering out reasons why that was a complete and utter  _lie_  and Jinhwan just played with the zip of his jacket. Things got quiet again after a while. Or not really, because everyone was talking around them but the buzz broke flow when it came to Yunhyeong and Jinhwan who were silent.

It was nerve-wracking. Realising how close you were to someone that you were constantly, always in love with.

Yunhyeong's hand was tapping against his own thigh gently, following a rhythm, a song. He had written once that he only did that when he was worried and Jinhwan opened his mouth, trying to speak and it took a while before his voice-box granted him the luxury. "Don't worry about the game. You're really good. All of you."

"I'm not worried about the game, I'm just...trying to daydream."

" _Trying_  to daydream? What do you mean?"

"I'm trying to imagine someone and I  _thought_  I had enough information but it's, it's still difficult. I think I'm just dumb."

"Hey. If you can't imagine this person then don't stress yourself over it. It's unnecessary, right?"

"I guess," Yunhyeong mumbled, leaning back in his chair before looking back at Jinhwan with a smile, and Jinhwan swore his heartbeat had been a lot calmer than this a moment ago. He just didn't understand sometimes how one person could be like  _that_. There was nothing wrong with Yunhyeong. Even his flaws were endearing and Jinhwan knew he should find perfect people like that  _terribly_  annoying, but instead? He fell in love with one. "So, how are you?"

"Well, I was thinking about-"

"I'm sorry about this morning."

Jinhwan rolled his eyes. "Don't interrupt me when I'm about to tell you a story, geez."

"What? Story? What were you thinking about?" Yunhyeong asked with wide eyes, perking up now and Jinhwan snorted at the sight. Yunhyeong could be a real meerkat sometimes.

"Doesn't matter now. What are you sorry about?" Jinhwan asked, because methods of questions to confuse people were always his favourite thing to utilise and Yunhyeong looked stumped already. Well, that had been easy.

"Uh...about, the other day?"

"I thought you said you were sorry about this morning. Is time not relevant anymore?"

"Why are you so good with  _words_ , I hate it!" Yunhyeong whined in annoyance, bashing his fists against his lap and he looked so angrily adorable and it made Jinhwan feel devastated. "I'm just trying to say, I'm sorry I saw you sing, I'm sorry I tried to pry this morning by asking someone that wasn't even  _you_  and- I just. I don't know. I hate how awful I am at communicating with you, hyung."

"You're not  _actually_  stressed about this, are you?" Jinhwan asked warily, looking at Yunhyeong and how red he had got, and how his hands were still clenched into fists but he looked too pathetic to want to punch anyone. Yunhyeong sighed, shrugging.

"Whatever you want to think I am."

Jinhwan gulped, trying to think of a way to remedy this. In a way, it was good if Yunhyeong thought Jinhwan would hate him because then he'd  _never_  find out the truth. But he couldn't do it. He couldn't be selfish enough to let Yunhyeong feel like this. So he leant to the side a little, and rested a hand on Yunhyeong's hoodie-clad arm. He felt Yunhyeong seize up and stare at him, but then Jinhwan pressed a finger to his own lips. Yunhyeong stayed quiet, as the loud hubbub of the bus stopped reaching their bubble of space.

"Mais qui est-ce qui m'a dit que toujours tu m'amais?" Jinhwan sang quietly, slower than the actual song, voice raspy because he hadn't drank water for a while. It was hard to ignore the trance that passed over Yunhyeong's face as his eyes widened in amazement, and Jinhwan felt oddly vulnerable like this. "J'entends encore la voix, mais je ne vois plus les traits. 'Il vois aime, c'est secret, lui dites pas que je vous l'ai dit'."

"You're so good at singing," Yunhyeong said, voice barely above a whisper too and it was hard for Jinhwan to fight off a smile. "Actually...beautiful. Thank you."

"It's-"

"What did it mean?"

Jinhwan fell quiet then. He didn't want to tell Yunhyeong that. He couldn't, not when it was one of the theme tunes of his depressing love life.

 _But who is it that told me that you always loved me?_  
_I still hear the voice, but I don't see the traits._  
_"He loves you, it's a secret, don't tell him what I told you."_

"It's just a typical love song really, all those cute cliché words."

"You sang me a  _love_  song?" Yunhyeong asked in soft awe, hands clasping together and Jinhwan smiled now.

"Yeah."  _Always._

It was then that the bus came to a jerky stop and Jinhwan had to clutch onto Yunhyeong's arm a little tighter before letting go, leaving them tearing gazes away from each other in embarrassment. Jinhwan got up and left without another word and Yunhyeong didn't realise until a moment later, when he had opened his mouth to say goodbye and there was no-one. Yet somehow, his good mood couldn't be flattened. He'd just been serenaded by  _Kim Jinhwan_  and his ears weren't letting him forget it. 

"Where  _were_  you?" Junhoe groaned as Jinhwan slapped his side, grabbing the hoodies off of him so he could distribute it back to their original owners later. "H-Hey, it's cold!"

"We gotta get up now, you lump, we're here."

"We are? Oh my God, let's crush them! And say hi to Chanwoo, then crush them!"

"You don't even like Chanwoo." 

"Actually, you may be pleased to know that we've been chatting online recently," Junhoe said smugly even as he stumbled while getting up. "I'm  _kind_  of his music tutor."

Jinhwan's jaw almost dropped. "Wait, what?  _You_? What do you teach him, the fact that a cadence is something a waterfall does?"

"That was a year ago!" Junhoe yelled out defensively while Jinhwan muttered under his breath "cadence and cascade barely even sound similar". "And okay to be fair, he's smart enough for me to not have to teach him a lot. We usually talk about games and his boyfriend and stuff."

Jinhwan slowly turned to stare at Junhoe, face blank. "What did you say?"

Junhoe had already turned twenty percent more pale than he had been. "I...don't think I should have told you that."

And so Junhoe ended up running off the bus screaming for his life while Jinhwan sprinted after him like a madman, bellowing, "What the LIVING FUCK DO YOU MEAN, CHANWOO HAS A  _BOYFRIEND-_ "

Yet Junhoe suddenly stopped and Jinhwan crashed into him, making him screech but Junhoe was instantly taking hold of him to stop him from falling to the ground. "Hyung. Hyung. Hyung, hyung, hyung,  _hyung_ -"

"What, moron?" Jinhwan snapped, rubbing his head because  _why_  did Junhoe's back have to be so hard? But then he actually looked up and saw Junhoe's face. His eyes were massive, the colour from his face was draining and he looked like he had never been more scared. Jinhwan blinked, immediately getting himself together to pat Junhoe's back, worried now. "Hey, what is it?"

"He's here," Junhoe whispered and Jinhwan furrowed his eyebrows.

"Who?"

"The guy from the party."

-

_Beau,_

_I have this sort of thought that maybe you're not real. I could be hallucinating this. Someone could have paid you to write letters to me to make me happy. Maybe it's a prank. I have those thoughts sometimes, I'm not some kind of all-confident being, I could never be. I try not to think like that because God, I'm really quite in love with you and I think you turning out to be fake would break me. But your words, the way you write...sometimes I have some fun and think that even if you were bought off, maybe you did actually fall in love with me eventually? Oh my God, this cliché plotline, I gotta write a book. If Twilight could do so well then I've got high hopes._

_Anyway, let's forget that. Most times I just think about you, as you, the essence of you in the simplest way. Making me see a person I've never known before in words inked into a piece of paper has got to be a skill. I wonder what you want me to see, and if that's different to how I do see you. Yeah, you're getting a deep letter today, it's Psychology's doing._

_Love,_  
_Yunhyeong_

-

_Dear Yunhyeong,_

_Wow, this was a surprise. I mean I get it. I can't do anything to prove your doubts wrong...I wish I could. All I do have are these words on paper. I think about all the ways this could go wrong because I can see it, you know, I can see_ _that you're_ _slowly getting sick of this. You want me to prove myself, right? You want to meet me. I know. But I don't know how to say this, it – this was never my plan. You replying was never in my plan. Hell, I never thought this would go on for so long even as just me writing to you. All my plan was supposed to be was making you smile every day. We weren't supposed to get to know each other, we weren't supposed to turn into...more._

_Revealing myself to people has always been a mistake. For me. A mistake I thought I'd stopped doing. The only difference is that I find it hard to regret it with you because these letters are probably what's brought me to this current conclusion that I'm head over heels for you. It was probably infatuation that first time, a year ago. But now it's unstoppable._

_I'm sorry I'm not ready. I'm sorry I can't meet you. I'm sorry that I might never tell you who I am. I just need you to always remember that there was on_ _ce_ _somebody who was completely, utterly in love with you simply because you were so you._

_Love,_  
_Beau_ ♡

-

_Beau,_

_Oh Beau. You have this real knack, you know, of alleviating my sadness just to make me sad about something else. I couldn't ever stay mad at you, you know I'll forgive you twice for each sorry you give me, even more than twice. It just kind of gets to me sometimes how you never quite deny my doubts, you just kind of evade it. But I guess it makes sense when I know how you want to stay as impartial as you can._

_Okay, let's get rid of all of this sad stuff! I've got a soccer game coming up...may I know if you'll be in the bleachers supporting?_

_(spoilers: if you are, I'll send a kiss to the bleachers right before the whistle goes and, more spoilers: it'll be for you.)_

_Love,_  
_Yunhyeong_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song reference: quelqu'un m'a dit - carla bruni !


	7. Chapter 7

"I still can't believe you haven't called him yet."

"You know my fears!" Junhoe yelped, eyes still trained ahead before he suddenly whipped his head a different way, making Jinhwan raise an eyebrow.

"What, he looked in your general direction?"

"I'm going to  _scream._ "

"Where even is he?"

"With...with the cheerleaders, I think?"

"Oh  _shit_ , Junhoe, you bagged a  _cheerleader_?"

"I DIDN'T BAG ANYONE!" Junhoe exploded, about to run off but Jinhwan held on tight to his wrist, immediately starting to drag Junhoe whose eyes widened. "Hyung, no, no,  _no-_ "

"What's so bad about it, huh? You really wanna not reunite with someone who you could really like and end up regretting it for the rest of your life, wondering 'what if'?"

"You don't know how much I don't want you to push me into an existential crisis right now. I assure you,  _he does not remember me._ "

"Well, I think otherwise with how gross you two were, and what better way to settle it than to find out?"

"No, hyung. I'm sorry but I'm not letting you win me over this time," Junhoe sighed, pulling his arm out of Jinhwan's hold and raising both in an apologetic fashion before turning around to be with the rest of the team. Jinhwan deflated. Even if Junhoe was scared, or nervous, or insecure, Jinhwan was certain he was missing out on a chance for love and that didn't settle well with him.

Well. There's nothing much you can do with an uncooperative Junhoe.

"Morning, guys," Jinhwan said with a smile as he walked into the hall that their own cheerleaders were given to do some quick practice. The cheerleaders, true to their name, cheered once they saw him and Jinhwan laughed. They were all sweet, though he really wished they had some boy cheerleaders. He didn't think it was even about anything conservative, just that no guys seemed interested yet. "How's everything going?"

"Good! You here to supervise that I'm doing my job right?" the head cheerleader Hayi asked, grinning and she really reminded Jinhwan of Hanbin. The same leader-vibe, yet she was the warmest person and one hundred percent girlfriend material.

"Yep, just checking, just checking. Coach is still worried about you guys not having a...well, coach."

"You're our coach, kinda," another girl shrugged and Jinhwan snorted, leaning against the wall.

"No way, honestly you guys don't need a coach. Anyway, show me what you've got, ladies!"

The cheerleaders whooped once more which made Jinhwan shake his head in amazement before they immediately assembled, and Jinhwan went over to the stereo to press play at Hayi's nod. And just like always, they were great, living in their performance and Jinhwan was glad that he had knocked the robotics out of them. He was clapping his hands, calling out (fortunately minimally) when he wanted them to fix something, and his eye caught someone trying to inch their way into the room quietly. Jinhwan smiled and went over, still keeping time with the girls.

"Junhoe, I don't think this looks like a pitch."

Junhoe swiped Jinhwan's shoulder, whisper-yelling, "I came to see you, be grateful!" and Jinhwan grinned, rolling his eyes as he took hold of Junhoe's wrist and led him further in. Junhoe looked amazed by the cheerleaders, eyes following their flips and leaps and he looked positively mind-blown when Hayi was doing her signature aerial, and he stared at Jinhwan like he was crazy when he called out, "Work on the landing, okay?"

"Her aerials are better than mine!"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure every girl in here would do better than you, Junhoe."

Time passed where Junhoe was the most quiet he had ever been, just watching in awe, head lolling and Jinhwan stifled his snorts. One girl winked at Junhoe who rested a hand on his chest in astonishment as if to say, " _Me_?". But then—

"RIVALS!" a loud voice boomed, making the cheerleaders scatter mid-way and Jinhwan cursed under his breath as he ran over to catch the top girl who was about to fall from a flyer. He stifled his grunt as the girl fell into his hold and breathed out heavily, wrapping her arms around Jinhwan's neck before looking at him with wide eyes.

"Thank you..."

"No problem."

The girl blushed a little, growing coy but the elder just looked at her blankly, stating, "I'm gay, darling," before letting her get back to standing in embarrassment. He turned around and sighed when he saw his head cheerleader already fighting with the people who had come in, yelling, "You could have SEVERELY hurt us, what the hell were you thinking?!"

"We're sorry, we're very sorry, that was  _not_  our intention," a male voice said quickly, pushing to the front and glaring deeply at the girl who was probably the one who had yelled, judging by the bored look on her face. "Say sorry, Jiai."

"Sorry," Jiai sighed, but she stuck her tongue out at Hayi when the guy wasn't looking and Jinhwan quickly ran forwards to stop her from throwing herself at the girl. But to be honest, Jinhwan was focusing on something other than this pettiness. His eyes were on the guy who was looking at him now, probably to ask something like 'who are you' but Jinhwan let go of Hayi and rested a hand on the guy's arm, gently.

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

"I recognise you," the guy said like he couldn't dare to believe it and Jinhwan nodded.

"I know."

The guy went over to his side immediately, ignoring the calls of "WHATCHA DOING WITH THE RIVALS, WON" and Jinhwan appeased Hayi and her confused little face, muttering, "I just know this guy. Don't you worry about it, keep practising."

Hayi nodded, face setting firm as she went back to her team, and Jinhwan turned his head to look at the guy who was staring at him in almost nervous anticipation.

"Nice to see you out of a party environment, Jiwon."

"You too," Jiwon replied and he sounded so genuine that it kind of astounded Jinhwan. "He, um, told you my name?"

"He did. We tell each other everything."

"So I guess he's told you that he hasn't called me. Or at least, not told you that he  _has_ , so, process of...elimination..." Jiwon said disappointedly, his voice trailing off and Jinhwan's brain did a little fist-pump. Score. This guy  _did_  still like Junhoe. "Not that it matters. Not that I thought he'd call."

"Honestly, I'm sorry about him. He's just an overthinking idiot who doesn't usually overthink but he did about you."

"Huh?"

Jinhwan really began to scrutinise him. No longer in the baggiest clothes ever but instead a tight-fitted cheerleader uniform, and damn, the guy had a lot more form than Jinhwan had thought back at the party. His hair was tied up now and...red.  _Red_.

_"Just be careful. Be alert."_

_I don't think I'll need to, Coach_.

"You're pretty hot," Jinhwan said in acceptance and he quickly cut in once the guy's eyes grew massive, "This is purely critical judgement. You're Junhoe's, I know that."

"Is he...here?" Jiwon asked hesitantly, looking slightly nervous like he wished he wasn't and Jinhwan smiled, turning behind him before frowning when he couldn't see Junhoe anywhere.

"Yeah, yeah, he should be just about-"

Jinhwan scanned the room, and his eyes fell on something that had him inwardly groaning. Junhoe was talking to the girl who had winked at him, both of them looking amused and engaged and kind of too close for comfort, and Jinhwan growled under his breath before trying to compose himself. "Give me a second. JUNHOE!"

Junhoe quickly whipped his head around, searching for Jinhwan's voice but before he could locate it, Jinhwan was already taking him by the ear and dragging him away, pointing at the girl and hissing, "Li, he's  _taken_."

Li grinned shamelessly and shrugged, bounding off to go to the others and Junhoe yelped, "We were having a really nice talk about watermelons! And no I'm not! I'm not taken! What are you talking about?!"

"Your boyfriend's here, idiot."

"My  _what_?"

God, Junhoe was dumb.

Jinhwan eventually let go of Junhoe's ear as they reached where he wanted them to be and Junhoe stumbled, rubbing his ear in irritation. "I swear to God, hyung, I know I call you hyung but you need to understand that you can _not_ abuse your hyung status like this because that's just completely unfair and...oh fuck no."

Junhoe slapped his hands over his mouth after he said the words but Jiwon was already blushing, rubbing the back of his neck and Jinhwan's heart was already in his own throat looking at the two of them, God, it was like watching a  _drama_. Junhoe stared at Jinhwan with wide eyes, a blatant  _'what on earth'_  and Jinhwan could only shrug. "Told you he was here."

Jiwon took a step forward but the instant he did, Junhoe stepped back, making Jiwon freeze. "Oh...I don't mean to-"

"No, wait, no it's fine!" Junhoe stammered out and, because he was the stupidest person known to mankind and Jinhwan couldn't be kidding about that anymore, to remedy the situation, he rushed forwards until there was barely any space between them. Jiwon's blush grew even deeper as his eyebrows raised in surprise and Junhoe realised embarrassingly late what he had done. But he couldn't do anything about it  _now_. "Oh God."

"No, it's fine," Jiwon murmured, making Junhoe blink in surprise, and then arms were reaching out. Jiwon's wrapped around Junhoe's neck, and Junhoe's hands fell on Jiwon's waist by instinct, light and surprised. Jinhwan could see the same sweet, confident look on Jiwon's face as he had back at the party as his eyes scanned Junhoe's face, like he was taking it in. "We... _have_  been closer than this before."

"Hi," Junhoe whispered, voice breathy and in love, and Jiwon grinned.

"Hey. Why haven't you called me?"

"I thought you didn't like me anymore..."

"Yet I thought  _you_ did. I thought, you liked me enough to get my phone number, so I thought you also liked me enough to... _use_  it."

"I'm a coward."

"Yeah," Jiwon hummed, kissing Junhoe's nose and the younger flared up immediately. "You really are."

Jiwon then pulled his arms back and rested his hands on Junhoe's only to push them off his body, leaving Junhoe blinking rapidly in confusion. Jiwon turned and smiled at Jinhwan. "Good luck with your cheerleaders. Not good luck with your team since I obviously want mine to win but I swear I'm not as bad as some of the others, meaning I...don't wish them any harm?" Then Jiwon turned back to Junhoe and his smile dropped as he poked Junhoe hard in the chest. "And you. Get yourself straight. Come find me after the game,  _if_  you decide that you actually want me. But to be honest, I don't think you're ready."

Then Jiwon was going back to his cheerful self as he walked off, heading back to his posse or whatever they were who were waiting for him boredly and in near to no time, it was like there was no trace they had ever been there. Junhoe whirled around to face Jinhwan, looking like he was about to hyperventilate as he frantically flapped his hands around instead of saying anything and Jinhwan quickly moved in close and rested his hands on Junhoe's shoulders.

"Breathe."

"W-What the hell did he mean?! Of  _course_  I want him, like how could he even-"

"He means he's annoyed at you. You're the only one out of you two who had access to a form of contact and you didn't use it, yet here you are still liking him. He knows that if you guys never saw each other here or any other place, any other time, you guys would have never happened. Never reunited, never nothing, because you're exactly what you said you were. You're a coward, and he doesn't think you should be in a relationship." 

Junhoe was quiet. Eyes big and glassy, all of him completely stock still and Jinhwan sighed as he took hold of Junhoe's hand and started dragging him away. "Come on, kid, let's get some food and pep talk in you. You've got a match to do."

***

"I met someone who goes to this school who has dyed hair," Jinhwan said proudly to the coach who smiled at him, "and no-one hates him. In fact, I think he's kind of popular."

"That's amazing, Jinhwan."

"It is!"

Junhoe would only look at the floor.

"Yunhyeong," Jinhwan called out and Yunhyeong perked up immediately, turning his head at hyper speed and accidentally catching it on a pole, making him whine out in pain. Jinhwan winced, wanting more than anything to just...cradle Yunhyeong's head to his chest- no, he just said, "Go cheer up Junhoe. Do it naturally."

"Oh," Yunhyeong said in surprise as he rubbed his head. "I...okay!"

Jinhwan watched Yunhyeong with heart eyes as he scurried off like a mouse, and he was reminded of the feeling of singing to him, back in the bus. The intimacy, this soft sense of love floating in the air between them, even if it was only Jinhwan's. Jinhwan couldn't believe himself, honestly, because his pre-match routine was always to stick near Yunhyeong (who never really went anywhere) and sigh internally at everything he did but, he hadn't done that today. It was as if he had better things to do... _no, not better. Maybe more important but not better. Yunhyeong's always better._

"Heyyyy, kiddo, who's excited?" Yunhyeong asked gently as he took a seat beside Junhoe and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, and Junhoe grunted in response. "Do you think we'll be able to kick 'em out of the league?"

"Dunno."

"I think we can. Just as long as everyone's morale is good."

"I guess."

Yunhyeong frowned, resting his cheek on Junhoe's back. "That means yours too. Is everything okay?"

"I should never be allowed to fall in love," Junhoe mumbled and Yunhyeong frowned deeper.

"Junhoe, that's a  _complete_  lie. You'd be the sweetest boyfriend, maybe a bit blunt at times but you'd treat them right, you'd make them happy and they'd think you're the cutest thing ever, because you are. You're very cute," Yunhyeong said with a nod, poking Junhoe's cheek and his spirits rose when he saw that Junhoe was smiling a little. "Now let's do this match. I'm sure you'll be able to sort your love life right out after, trust yourself."

"Yeah," Junhoe said quietly, tilting his head back a little to rest against Yunhyeong's as he took hold of one of the elder's hands resting on his collar. "I will."

 _This is why Beau loves you, Yunhyeong_ , Jinhwan thought as he looked at the two with a twinkle in his eye. He was suddenly reminded of that Spice Girls song, 'if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends' and he burst out laughing, covering his mouth when the coach looked at him with a raised eyebrow. 

"Pep Talk time, everyone!" Coach called out, and that was when Jinhwan took his opportunity to slip out. He was delighted to see the other team out on the pitch already and he ran over to one particular tall guy clad in separate gear to everyone else, goalie gear.

"CHANWOO!"

The boy turned around and grinned, spreading his arms at and Jinhwan threw himself at him in a hug, squeezing him tightly before slapping his head which had Chanwoo yelping and pulling away. "What was that for?!"

"Junhoe said you have a boyfriend and you better tell me the truth right now," Jinhwan growled, wagging a finger at Chanwoo who sighed.

"That loudmouth. It was as of two days ago, hyung, and I didn't even exactly say yes when he asked so I don't even know if boyfriends is what we are, but I think it is."

"How did you two even get together in the first place then?"

"Well, I know he's liked me for a while...but I was still kind of hung up over Hanbin-hyung."

"Do you  _seriously_  not like Hanbin anymore?"

Chanwoo looked torn. "Honestly, I'm not sure. But...I definitely know that...this guy's better for me. And he's so cute, hyung, like, I almost know for certain that I'm gonna fall in love with him if I try."

Jinhwan stared at Chanwoo with the driest look he could muster. "You're fifteen. You're still in toddlerhood. Don't hit me with this 'fall in love' crap."

Chanwoo grinned. "If you met him, I seriously don't think you'd be blaming me."

"Pop quiz, how old is he?"

"Sixteen."

"Hm...school?"

"Yours."

Jinhwan's mouth fell open. "You're joking. Woah, I...completely unrelated but my respect for him has suddenly increased..."

"He only just started."

"Eh, still, that's a point in my good books. Tell me his name, let me stalk him."

"We can talk later hyung, we gotta get ready," Chanwoo said amusedly, pulling on his gloves and Jinhwan sighed, nodding desolately.

"Well, hope you're happy, Chan."

"I really am. Promise."

Jinhwan nodded, reaching up to ruffle Chanwoo's hair before going back to the pitch, taking a seat in the front row. He loved being a ball boy, but sadly at away matches, he didn't get to be. There'd be 'official ones' (ugh) though his school was lenient on him and let him do it at home matches, probably because he was  _that_  good. Hilarious, it seemed, being good at being a ball boy but trust me. It's possible.

"Everyone yell on three!" Jinhwan heard Junhoe call out with his jarring voice and the yells made him wince, but he couldn't help a smile too. He wanted Junhoe to look at him so he could wave him good luck, but instead he got Yunhyeong? He was frozen for a second but he slowly raised a hand and Yunhyeong smiled gently, so beautiful in the way he held himself so dynamically, like he was really ready for business, and he only nodded at Jinhwan before turning back to the team. Jinhwan was left a bit breathless but before he could ponder over it, someone was sweeping into the seat next to him and saying a bright, "Hey."

Jinhwan snapped out of it immediately, turning in surprise. "Jiwon, hi! Aren't you supposed to be with..."

"I'll just race there after once I gotta, it's cool," Jiwon said with a shrug, grinning at Jinhwan who felt obliged to do it back. It was just damn contagious coming from this guy. "Hey, I thought you were a part of the cheerleaders or even the team?"

"Oh no, no, just a stand-in manager for the cheerers. And ballboy sometimes. Don't have time to do what either the girls or boys do," Jinhwan said fondly, and Jiwon nodded.

"That's cool. You kind of seem sporty."

"I do?"

"Yeah, lean muscles and all that."

"Well, so do you, kid," Jinhwan said with a grin, pleased by the compliment as he punched Jiwon's chest lightly and Jiwon punched his arm back. Such masculinity. Jinhwan was pleasantly disgusted by themselves. "Can we just, just for a  _second_  talk about how you're on the damn cheerleader team like, thank you?"

Jiwon grinned proudly, eyes crinkling and man, yes, Jinhwan was going to adopt him and fast. "I'm not even that good, it's just fun. There were a shortage and my friend's taught me a bit of dance so I was like, this couldn't be too bad? I'm known for being...androgynous?...anyway."

"I may hate your school but I've always admired the number of boys on your cheerleading team. Even if it's only two or three or even one, it's still always more than us."

Jiwon's grin grew bigger. "That's incredibly sweet coming from someone of your school."

"You're incredibly sweet for someone from  _your_  school."

"Woah, that's a compliment."

"Yeah trust me, honey, I know."

Jiwon leant back in his seat and they both watched the players doing their warm-ups. Jinhwan's cheeks always got warm during this because seeing his innocent baby of a crush doing push-ups had his soul ready to leave him. Not to mention seeing Junhoe and Chanwoo exercise, just plain weird.

"You and Junhoe look good together."

Jinhwan almost choked on air. "W-Why the hell would you say that?! Are you tryna put yourself down or something?  _You_  and Junhoe look good together, okay, end of."

"I wasn't talking about relationship-wise," Jiwon snickered, shaking his head. "Like when you were dragging him by the ear, it's just so funny? I love best friend dynamics."

Wow. Jiwon surprised Jinhwan, he honestly really liked him, even if he wouldn't admit it in those exact words. Now Junhoe's resilience from this kind of specimen was making Jinhwan angrier than ever, but it raised questions. "Were you...drunk? That night of the party?"

"I actually wasn't," Jiwon said quietly, almost like he was embarrassed but not quite. "I just always kinda let myself go at those things either way. Junhoe was so cute."

"Mm, he is. He thinks you're cuter."

Jinhwan smirked at the sight of Jiwon turning red.

"But tell me. Why  _did_  you kiss him and be so sweet to him for a whole night?"

"I don't really have an answer as to why I started," Jiwon hummed after a moment, narrowing his eyes in thought. "I think I just wanted to mess with him for a second. But, he made me stay. He was really cute and blushy and gentlemanly, and he looked so damn in love with me that I thought it had to be fake. But I liked believing it was real."

"I honestly do think he was head over heels for you, even if it was just one night."

"Maybe. It was nice."

Jiwon looked up then, still for a moment before he got up and smiled at Jinhwan, jerking his thumb to the pitch. "Gotta go but I'll see you?"

Jinhwan nodded, waving him goodbye and barely a second after Jiwon was off and running to the other side, Junhoe had appeared at the front row to ask Jinhwan a frantic, "Why were you talking to him?!"

"Chill, Junhoe, it was just friendly talk," Jinhwan snorted, leaning forward to pat the boy's head but Junhoe didn't look any more appeased.

"But he- I- did he say anything about me?"

"He did say that you were  _gentlemanly_  that night and gotta say, I'm quite proud of you," Jinhwan said with a wink and Junhoe blinked, slowly smiling.

"Really?"

"You've still got a shot, bozo. Make it count."

"Alright. The cheerleaders want you, by the way."

"Oh right!"

Jinhwan quickly jumped over the barrier and cursed as it had to come to him rolling on the ground, making Junhoe laugh before Jinhwan quickly shooed him away while picking out grass from his hair. God, his back was gonna hurt for a  _week_. 

"Cheerers, hey- woah, what?" Jinhwan asked in concern as Hayi ran at him, clasping onto his arms.

"I've got...a favour to ask."

"Yeah sure. Anything."

"Somersault over us at half-time."

"'Anything' wasn't supposed to include my death."

"I know you can do it! I know we just need that extra pinch. Imagine how neat it would be to have the only guy and one as pretty and cool as you doing something like that?"

"Well, that flattery was kind of nice," Jinhwan hummed haughtily, flicking his hair back and Hayi beamed. "And somersaults  _are_  my thing...at the five minute mark, probably?"

"Exactly!"

"Get assembled. I'll try it out now."

Hayi nodded, turning around to get the others sorted and Jinhwan walked behind them, hand on his chin as he tried to figure out how to do it. Li and Mijun were at the back and probably wouldn't mind hands on their shoulders for propelling, but that probably wasn't the best thing since he might kick them. He thought about it for a moment, and suddenly, for the first time ever, he got something that felt like stage fright but wasn't quite.

 _I'm a nobody. A_ **_comfortable_ ** _nobody. I don't want people to see me doing this._

But Hayi had looked so excited.

Maybe senior year was finally time to branch out. Besides, this was an away game. Most of his school wouldn't be there. It was just one sault.

Jinhwan took in a deep breath, and he was so nervous that he forgot to warn anyone but they were in a still position anyway.  _Just get it done and over with. Don't think about the time you tried this last year and broke Hanbin's toe. You're not gonna break_ ** _anyone's_** _toe. Or anyone's_ ** _anything_** _. Hopefully._

"Hayi?" Jinhwan called out warily and Hayi called back a, "Yeah?"

"I'm just gonna do it straight at halftime, let's leave it now!"

"Oh, alright!"

Jinhwan let out a heavy breath of relief as the form collapsed and he quickly went back to the bleachers, rolling messily over the barrier to fall flat on his face on the other side. Hayi looked around and over everyone's heads, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Where did Jinhwan go?"

_-_

_Dear Yunhyeong,_

_You know what, you're right, but I'm also petty once people bring this kind of thing up and I so desperately want you to believe I'm real so I'm gonna deny it now. I'm a real person. And I love you. I love you the way you look. I love the way you smile. I love the way you have with people. I love that_ **_you're_ ** _so real. You're never fake, you don't change for anyone else, you're so inexplicably you and you've never even allowed me to fall out of love with you even once like damn, I'm not the type to hold onto things for this long. I was even considering dropping my dad when he moved away._

_I mean sure, you being a wet noodle sometimes has to be your only flaw but you're the cutest wet noodle._

_Ahhh don't look out for me okay but yes, I'll be at the game! Gah I never know whether to call it football or soccer. And you blowing me a kiss...I might just combust._

_After you do it, please don't look in the direction of a scream you might hear._

_Good luck, baby!_

_Love,_  
_Beau_ _♡_

_-_

_Beau,_

_I'm reading this in study hall, you awful charming horrible cutie, I'm_ _blushing_ _now! At least it's not actual class_ _be_ _cause I've made that mistake before...it really doesn't help that I'm listening to this beautifully soft song right now. One of my friends- well, not friends sang it to me and like, why the hell don't I listen to more French songs? The softness, the hope, the hesitance, it embodies me and you._

_I know you're real. I know you have to be and gosh, sometimes I think about it and I get all stuttery and_ _red_ _knowing someone's out there loving me and I could have talked to them before, I could_ _have_ _seen you?? You're_   _really_ _driving me crazy, Beau, ugh. All this mystery, the love in the air and all these sparks in my veins. It's so exciting but I think I'm also...scared of getting electrocuted._

 _HEY, I'M NOT A WET NOODLE! Am I? I swear I know how to say no to people,_   _it's just more like not wanting people to be upset, you know? Ugh now I'm gonna be thinking about this too much, stop doing this to me, your opinion matters too much!_

_You're gonna be there tonight?! Oh you're getting a BIG fat kiss blown at you (hopefully it'll get to you but even if it's in the complete wrong direction, you know it's for you and I'm so sorry) and I'm gonna win this whole damn thing for you because I've always wanted to do something in the name of love!! It's so romantic..._

_Thank you my darling but STOP, you calling me baby always has me melting to the floor. An_ _d_   _the Match! It's so soon! Let's both be excited and nervous as hell but I AM gonna win, for you! My_ _paper boyfriend who loves me ♡_

 _Love,_  
_Yunhyeong_


	8. Chapter 8

Jinhwan could see Yunhyeong and Junhoe nodding at each other on the pitch and even though he already wanted to cheer like crazy, he decided to save his throat for later, instead waving his arms about.

"Hey, has it started yet?" a familiar voice said as a tall guy inched through the aisle and Jinhwan brightened up, quickly shaking his head.

"Hanbin!"

"Heyyyy," Hanbin said brightly, giggling a little as he collapsed into the seat beside Jinhwan, looking like he was drowning in the bags he was holding. "Remembered you telling me and thought I should stop by after shopping, always wanna support Junhoe and Chan."

"You can't support both, they're on different teams."

"Wait, what?!"

"What the hell have you even bought?"

"Groceries and clothes, mostly. Do you know you need to start buying stuff yourself once you start living alone? Absolutely abhorrent. No-one prepared me for this."

"Well, put them down then," Jinhwan snorted as Hanbin fell into the former's side, draping the bags over himself. Hanbin only pouted up at him.

"But this is comfy."

"Weirdo."

The whistle was blown then and Jinhwan blinked, whipping his head around so fast that his neck cricked and he cursed under his breath. But everyone had already jumped into action, with Yunhyeong passing the ball to Joha who soared forward, with Yunhyeong running past to help. And Jinhwan was left defeated, his heart curled up inside because he had  _missed_  it. He'd missed the damn kiss Yunhyeong said he'd send him.

"Ow- fuCK, OW!" Hanbin yelled as Jinhwan started thwacking the guy with his own bags, absolutely fuming while Hanbin cowered. "WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?!"

"You distracted me, you  _monster_ ," Jinhwan growled, hitting Hanbin one more time before collapsing back into his seat, slumping as he huffed to blow some hair out of his face. Hanbin blinked, frowning deeply but he stayed in his cowering corner.

"From what?"

"From- you know, I- he was gonna- ugh, nevermind. Simmer in your unknowing annoyance," Jinhwan grumbled, dropping the bags onto the floor before crossing his arms like a little kid and Hanbin pouted once more, leaning to the other side so he could rest his chin on Jinhwan's shoulder.

"Jinani...I'm sorry..."

"Watch the game."

"Was it a Yunhyeong thing?"

Jinhwan's eyes widened. "Wha- pffffffffffft no! No way!"

The other team scored a goal, shooting it past their honestly quite bad goalkeeper and Jinhwan groaned, with Hanbin shaking a fist in the air, yelling, "HARLOTS!"

"It wasn't him."

"You can't be talking about that kiss thing he blew to the audience. Girls were screaming, you telling me you wanted to scream too? Pff, you sweet simple gay boy."

Jinhwan struck Hanbin's arm. "No, you  _moron_ , that kiss was for  _me_...he said it in the letters..."

Hanbin's mouth made an 'o'. "Wow. I have misjudged. You're simply  _two_  sweet simple gay boys." 

"He kept on going on about it as well," Jinhwan sighed, banging his head repeatedly on Hanbin's shoulder and the latter wrapped an arm around his shoulders, keeping the other's head still so no brain damage would occur.

"Come on, watch the game. He wouldn't mind, I'm sure he sends you secret kisses in his head every single hour anyway."

Jinhwan blushed a little at that, hiding his face in Hanbin's shirt for a moment. "Shut up."

"Chanwoo, you like me, right?" Junhoe asked with a bright smile as he neared the goal and Chanwoo shrugged, calling out a, "Sure," and Junhoe grinned, though it instantly dropped when Chanwoo easily caught the ball Junhoe thought he had cleverly struck in.

"HEY!" Junhoe yelped as Chanwoo threw the ball up and down, getting ready for a throw. "YOU SAID YOU LIKED ME!"

"I do! Now get out of my way," Chanwoo said bluntly as he got into stance and Junhoe trudged away sadly. Yunhyeong patted his back, saying a happy, "It really was a good shot!" but Junhoe's face just turned even more sour in the kiddiest way, leaving Yunhyeong trying to hide his snickers before flailing into action when someone called out his name. His eyes made their way to the stands like they did sometimes, just to see the audience but he frowned when he saw Jinhwan talking to someone more than he was watching the game. That never happened. Jinhwan loved soccer more than  _any_  of them.

"YUNHYEONG, STAY IN THE GAME!" someone yelled at him and Yunhyeong snapped out of it, turning his head every which way to try and locate the ball again.

He had to do good. Beau was watching. He was in the bleachers somewhere, watching him mess up at the moment but Yunhyeong had to win now. For him. Because even if he didn't know who this person was, Beau felt realer than anyone in his life ever had. His friends usually came and went, and he'd find out that people didn't actually like him as much as he thought they did. Yet here was someone saying over and over again that they were ready to love him forever. Maybe Yunhyeong was just believing what he wanted to believe but he  _did_  believe him, for some reason beyond him. Even if it was getting more difficult by the day.

Maybe thinking about him was the reason he was able to shoot a goal in that minute. Just knowing that Beau was cheering for him was better motivation than he'd ever get. 

"He scored a goal," Jinhwan sighed after a tiring bout of cheering, leaning against Hanbin. "You see how perfect he is?" 

"I know how feelings can be, but personally, I'm curious. Why haven't you gone for it yet?" 

"It's complicated..." 

"Don't tell me that Kim Jinhwan is feeling  _insecure,_ " Hanbin said in amazement, properly turned to stare at Jinhwan now and the latter grimaced. 

"Dude, we're watching a match-" 

"I know how you feel about yourself, it's strange for you to pull back." 

"Well, he's in a different league, okay?" 

"Oh don't hit me with this 'out of my league' bullshit-" 

"I mean  _so_   _literally_. He's angel-level. Not to mention he's popular and I don't go for that. I stay quiet on purpose." 

"Why?" 

"It's just easier, to not have so many people on your case." 

Hanbin snorted, shaking his head. "You're so strange. When I was in school, I definitely wasn't popular and it was  _all I wanted_. The kids at the front were so cool, so together and they just seemed to get the better lot in life. Yet I'm not you. I'm not the boy with so many talents who knows the world inside out, who's part of the soccer team just to be a ballboy, who crushes on the school's sweetheart just to hide behind a secret identity." 

"I'm a wallflower," Jinhwan said quietly. "It's what we do." 

"See, you've said that before. Finally got around to looking it up, actually got a pretty lengthy, interesting definition."

"They know things about people that you would never know unless you watched as closely as them," Jinhwan muttered, because it wasn't as if he hadn't read the definition Hanbin was probably talking about so many times before. Hanbin smiled at him. 

"Something about them being the best people if you can crack their shell." 

"Eh, it's true." 

Hanbin rolled his eyes, before nudging him. "There was another interesting thing. They're usually attracted to other wallflowers because they're like each other, what have you got to say for that?" 

"Guess I'm an exception." 

"Or maybe Yunhyeong has some things you need to find out about him." 

"You're speaking nonsense, I swear." 

"Yeah, maybe." Then Hanbin was capturing him into a side hug, grinning. "It also said wallflowers are beautiful, bub." 

The whistle blew for half-time and Hanbin squeezed him once more before letting go. Jinhwan looked at him for the first time, face unreadable enough that Hanbin's eyebrows stated to crease in worry, until Jinhwan fell onto him with a soft thump. "I love you." 

Hanbin smiled triumphantly, giving a thumbs up to Junhoe who was looking up at them in surprised alarm. "He's not dead, don't worry!" 

*** 

Jinhwan had probably patted Junhoe on the back a hundred times by now, and the guy still looked considerably dead inside. 

"He hates me. He hates me. My one chance for love and he hates me. He  _hates me._ "

"How were you so chill when playing and the instant you're on break, you're this?" 

"This? Meaning pathetic? Meaning ready to die? Because yes, yes I'm very much this and I was very much this, the  _whole_  way through the game, you don't know me!"

"Look, shut up, their cheerleaders are about to start their half-time show-" 

"And what, so I'm just supposed to watch him be beautiful and strong and cheerleadery?!" Junhoe screeched, staring at Jinhwan who tried his best to maintain eye contact, slowly blinking. 

"Um... _well_ , you've never seen him cheerlead, maybe he's not even like that..." 

Hanbin and Chanwoo came over to them then holding hot dogs and drinks, and there was a considerable distance between them that Jinhwan raised an eyebrow at. Hanbin was so cheerful so he couldn't have noticed, yet Chanwoo was the one looking a bit withdrawn. Jinhwan caught his eye and patted the seat between him and Junhoe, leaving Chanwoo's expression turning grateful.

"Everything good with our loverboy?" Hanbin asked brightly, throwing an arm around Junhoe's shoulders before freezing when Junhoe let out a sad whine. "Okay, so, maybe not..."  

Any further conversation was dissolved by a loud shout by all the other school's cheerleaders in unison, and they were all enthralled in an instant. Even Junhoe raised his head out of his hands to look, and Jinhwan saw the familiar hearts in his eyes when he saw Jiwon at the front, holding a stick out perpendicular to his body and looking all kinds of serious. 

"He's gorgeous," Junhoe mumbled under his breath, and no-one heard.

There was another unified shout and a few seconds of silence before finally, the music started. It was surprisingly an upbeat tune, and suddenly the seriousness turned into smiles and peppiness as someone flipped in the air and Jiwon caught her, causing a chain reaction of flips that looked so overwhelmingly awesome. Jinhwan's head was spinning and he couldn't pick out just one person, there was so much going on and somehow, they were synchronising it. 

Loud chants came from them and their school audience, as well as their football team who looked drunk with their yelling. Someone, or something, threw pompoms into the air that the cheerleaders cleanly caught, all of them dissolving into cheers as they ran around into a different formation and fell into cute choreography that did steal Jinhwan's heart a little. A lot of pumping fists, twirls, and laughter. They looked so happy doing what they were doing. 

A cheerleading team double the size of theirs. Almost equal ratio of gender. They were good.  _And_  they had personality. Jinhwan hated them, and he was so adamant in his hatred that he didn't notice Yunhyeong slipping in beside him.  

Jiwon did a no-handed cartwheel that wasn't the cleanest but had undeniable charm, then he was springing up into the arms of another guy before posing and winking coyly at the crowd, bringing up wolf-whistles and a grin from Jinhwan. He really liked this guy, he did. But in seconds, the whole team were back to having the seriousness they had at the start as the music came to an end, and they were all in still, level positions. Then one more shout, one more thundering stamp on the ground with sticks, and it was over. 

The applause that filled the place was tumultuous. Jinhwan wanted to cover his ears but then again he was clapping too, cheering loudly, but it wasn't about him. It was about how Junhoe had suddenly stood up, determination and recklessness written all over him as he ran straight across the pitch towards the cheerleaders, and they were all left frozen. 

"He's doing it," Jinhwan and Yunhyeong whispered in unison, before yelping as Jinhwan scooted to the edge of his seat. 

"Where did you come from?!" 

"Wha- can't I sit here?" Yunhyeong asked a little sadly, and Jinhwan blinked, trying his best to clear his throat. 

"I-I mean- sure, sure you can but like, I'm  _certain_  you weren't always there-"  

"Yunhyeong, young man, the name's Hanbin!" an enthusiastic Hanbin interrupted, reaching ambitiously across the three seats to hold out an arm to Yunhyeong. "I've heard a lot about you!" 

Yunhyeong stared at him in amazement. "Y-You...I...I recognise you..." 

Hanbin beamed. "Keeping that toothbrush well, I hope!" 

Yunhyeong looked absolutely mortified, and Jinhwan just wanted to hug him. It got worse when Yunhyeong caught sight of their rival school's goalkeeper next to Jinhwan who was waving sheepishly, saying a soft, "Sorry about not letting in so many goals. You were really good." 

Yunhyeong stared at him. "You're definitely not this nice on the pitch." 

Chanwoo smiled sweetly, and Yunhyeong just looked more mind-blown. It made things a little easier as Jinhwan hummed amusedly, "He's my cousin." 

"Your  _what-_ "

"Yeah, it's a small world. Don't focus on these things, though, man of the match." 

Yunhyeong grinned shyly, looking away. "Don't say that, it's only halfway through. Besides, that's Won. His defence game would thrash my attacking game any day." 

"Maybe, but you're spectacular too." 

Yunhyeong looked at him then, all pretty smiles and soft eyes, and Jinhwan's heartbeat was speeding up. "Hey. You're being nice to me." 

Jinhwan bit his lip, slowly nodding. "Ever since Junhoe said I was making you sad..." 

"Wait, that's what this is about? You don't make me sad, it's fine-" 

"No, you liar, I know I do. I just didn't realise. And I don't want you to be sad. So I'm either gonna not talk to you or be nice when I do." 

It was very hard to stay calm when Yunhyeong was just smiling at him like that, not even saying anything, and Jinhwan had to look away. "Forgive me, and you can definitely hit me after I say this but, I thought  _I_  was bad but you're not great at this speaking to people thing either, are you?" 

"He's a wallflower," Hanbin pointed out helpfully, and Jinhwan was about to hit  _him_  because why the hell was that dude listening- until Yunhyeong was humming in interest.

"They have trouble talking to people because they don't know what to say." 

Jinhwan turned to look at him, eyebrows furrowed in question, but Yunhyeong was the one looking away now. "Not that I know much about them. I just know that you're kind of amazing, so I don't care what you're bad at." 

Jinhwan would always, always wonder just why Yunhyeong admired him. Because it was painful to think of the difference. 

Jinhwan to Yunhyeong: love, care, where it's wishing for another person's happiness always and also secretly squealing over them. 

Yunhyeong to Jinhwan: admiration, respect, because Jinhwan was a senior and could kind of sing. 

It wasn't what he wanted and that just hurt. He'd rather have nothing at all than have Yunhyeong tell him he's 'kind of amazing' just because he respected his elders or whatnot. This was why he pushed Yunhyeong away. This was why he didn't need to let himself entertain a single thought of love, because that sort of thing wasn't meant for someone as closed off as him.

"I gotta go get into uniform. See you," Jinhwan said curtly, to all of them, getting up and smiling weakly at the "GOOD LUCK!" that Hanbin shouted at him. Though he did end up smiling for good when he found Junhoe and Jiwon against the outside wall of the changing rooms, seeming to just be staring at each other as Jiwon stroked Junhoe's cheek. Well, that was one less thing to worry about, at least. 

Jinhwan tried not to distract them, ducking through the door he discreetly opened, before dashing in. He tried to find Coach's bags because that was where the spare uniforms were, but something stopped him right in his tracks before he could. His own bag was turned unflatteringly on the floor, and the zip was open. Jinhwan frowned, slowly going towards it to check if it was okay. 

His pencil case was still there. His school books of the day, his homework folder, his - shit. No. No, no, no. This wasn't happening. This was a dream, this wasn't... 

"My notebook," Jinhwan breathed out, still for a moment before he started frantically throwing things out of his bag, searching for it. That notebook had Yunhyeong's last few letters for him in it. It had all of Jinhwan's notes, the times he'd have to plan out what to say to Yunhyeong so that he didn't sound like an absolute idiot, the bloopers of past letters that didn't turn out right so he never sent them. And then the start of the latest letter. The one he was going to send tomorrow morning. 

The notebook, that said his name on it. His real name. 

When he heard Hayi call out, "Oppa, you in there?", Jinhwan had to push away the sudden urge to punch in every single one of the lockers, as he answered back shakily and kept on searching for the bags even though his eyes were tearing up. 

_Don't cry...don't cry..._

But Jinhwan ended up locking himself in the bathroom, and missing their team's half-time show. 

- 

_** earlier ** _

It was like something kind of exploded inside of Junhoe as he ran across that field. He wasn't quite sure what it was because if it was his heart then it wouldn't be a good thing, he thought, but he wasn't sure, because he wasn't sure of anything right now. Except for one thing. And that one thing was staring at him with wide eyes, still breathing heavily from his performance, but Junhoe didn't think twice when he took hold of the guy's hand and they were both running now. Running away from everything. Junhoe was an idiot, but he was also a hopeless romantic.

And Jiwon could've known that earlier, if Junhoe had been able to simply man up.

He wasn't thinking, but it was quite smart to get them to the changing rooms. Though he didn't quite have enough restraint to get them inside, so he just pushed Jiwon against the wall, gently, because he couldn't afford to make the guy anymore mad. But the instant he tried to speak, he couldn't. Breathless, incredible Jiwon was staring at him, mahogany eyes confused but warm, and lips slightly parted. So Junhoe let him speak first because you should always let gods speak first. 

"I thought I said after the game. Not halfway," Jiwon murmured, sweeping the back of his hand across his brow. Junhoe nodded. 

"I know. I mean, everything you said earlier went through my head like a million times after. But I couldn't wait." 

"I cant believe this," Jiwon snorted, cackling breathily and it was so contagious. "I'm a half of a love at first sight couple. Holy shit." 

"I mean, yeah. But also no." 

"What?" 

"I don't, like,  _loooove_  you," Junhoe said in the silliest way he could, and he felt a happy sort of ache below his ribcage when Jiwon laughed again. "But I really really like you. It's bonkers how much I do and how much I didn't realise or maybe I just did realise but I really am an absolute idiot like I think that's something you're just gonna have to deal with 'cause it's  _really_  bad, honest-"

"Junhoe, shhh," Jiwon said softly, reaching up to loop an arm around Junhoe's neck, drawing him closer. "Breathe. We'll live through this. I mean, I really really like you too. I like you to pieces." 

"So you don't hate me," Junhoe muttered, desperate, and Jiwon's smile had him relieved enough to melt into a puddle. 

"You're the cutest. How old are you?" 

"Sixteen. Ah, seventeen soon, though! In just-" 

And yes, he would turn seventeen in two months, except that really didn't matter when perfect amazing incredible gorgeous Jiwon was kissing him. It was familiar, of course it was familiar from the amount of times that Junhoe had run Jiwon's kisses through his head, and Jiwon's lips were so soft. The instant Jiwon tried to pull away, Junhoe couldn't let him as his arms curled around Jiwon's waist, tugging the guy towards him. Jiwon's chest rumbled against his in surprised laughter. 

"You're gonna be interesting," Jiwon whispered amusedly when Junhoe finally dared to let him go. The words made him feel shy, and he didn't know what to say back as Jiwon's slender fingers brushed against his cheek. Turned out Jiwon was just as content as him with just looking at each other, which was a great thing for a not-quite-so-smooth-talker like Junhoe. 

The soft silence and pure affection allowed Junhoe to fall in love just a little bit more.

 


	9. Chapter 9

_Can't I ever be lucky, just for once?_

Jinhwan slammed into the wall, punching it so hard that it made a dent, and the tears just kept coming with the added pain. He gritted his teeth and even though his vision was clouded, that didn't stop him from grabbing his bag and hurling it at the mirror. It broke. The sound would've been satisfying if Jinhwan didn't want to break more.

What was he doing?

He dropped his bag, swaying a little as he held onto the wall and sank to the ground.

"Hello?" a wary voice called out from outside the bathroom door, and Jinhwan sniffed, wiping at his eyes. "Who's in there?"

It was an unfamiliar voice, and Jinhwan couldn't bring himself to speak anyway. He just sat there, looking down at the floor with silent tears streaming down his face and he wondered,  _why_  was he crying? He wasn't closeted, though it wasn't like he announced it to the world either. He knew there  _were_  homophobic people in this school who would definitely dare to drag him into an alley and beat him up. Then there was the fact that it was Yunhyeong of all people that he was crushing on...who  _wouldn't_  make fun of him? And why would they take the book? Were they going to go tell everyone?

Would they tell Yunhyeong?

_I'm nowhere near ready for that._

Jinhwan couldn't help letting out an audible sob, and that seemed to be a trigger for the person outside the door. In the next minute, there was someone rushing in, kneeling down in front of him and hugging him tight. Jinhwan was so upset that all he really wanted to do was hug back, so he did. The person just embraced him for a moment, silently, before they asked, "Are you okay?"

"M-My book," Jinhwan sniffled, banging his head gently on their chest. Then the person carefully pushed him back, and held something towards him.

"Is it this?"

For a moment, Jinhwan just stared. Then he snatched the book and scooted away. "Why the fuck do you have it?!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't steal it or anything!" the person said quickly, shaking his head. Jinhwan kept blinking to try and clear his vision and what he saw surprised him for some reason. It was a boy in cheerleading uniform, with downy almost long hair and one of the most perfect faces Jinhwan had ever seen. He was some kind of gorgeous flower boy, even despite how worried he looked. Jinhwan was a little starstruck.

"T-Then why...?"

"There was a tip off that someone had brought drugs in, hidden in some book so I was told to help check all the bags. Sorry if I'd left your bag messy, I was trying to go quick..."

"Alright. Okay, I get that but, you didn't read this, right?"

"No!" the guy said quickly, shaking his head. Then he looked shy. "But the...Song Yunhyeong x-"

"Yes, okay, I'm in love with a guy and I'm a cliché who doodles about it," Jinhwan muttered, his voice sounding almost snappy but he just didn't mind if this guy knew. He seemed as harmless as a fly. But he definitely didn't expect the guy to look at him with what really seemed like sparkles in his eyes.

"You're...you like boys?"

 _Here we go_. "Yes."

"Me-" The boy paused for a second before clearing his throat. "Me too."

Jinhwan looked up. "Wait, really?"

"Yeah. And I- you're like me? That makes me happy," the guy said, looking down st the ground and smiling a little. Jinhwan couldn't help but join in.

"By that logic, you should get happy every time you see a straight girl."

"You know what I-"

"I know. I guess you don't meet a lot of other gay guys?"

The boy shook his head. "Never." Then he was catching sight of the glass on the floor and he backed up in worry. "Was...was that the crash I heard?"

"Yeah, ugh- sorry, this happens sometimes. I get ahead of myself."

"You're not hurt, right? No bleeding?"

Jinhwan shoved his hand into his pocket. "Pfft, no."

They were silent for a moment until Jinhwan reached into his bag to take out his wallet, only for the guy to blurt out, "Do you want to go to dinner with me?"

Jinhwan froze. What kind of question...?

"Not for a date or anything, I know your heart's taken," the guy said, laughing nervously. "I mean...I want to know you, I want to...you could give me tips cause like, I'm so bad at this."

"What? Being gay?"

"Being out. I came out a month ago and I have  _no_  clue what to do." The guy crossed his legs, frowning at the floor. "Do I like...openly talk about guys? Is it okay to  _kiss_  guys?"

"Did you really just ask if it's okay to kiss guys? Dude, you are literally  _gay_."

"But is it okay to kiss them before you're in a relationship?" the guy asked worriedly, and Jinhwan quirked an eyebrow.

"That's not really a gay problem. Do you have some other stuff you need to work out?"

"Yes. And I have no friends to help," the guy muttered gloomily. Jinhwan almost laughed at the way he said it until he thought - this beautiful specimen didn't have any friends? How did that work?

"I'm Jinhwan. If you were wondering which name I was from the book. I'm eighteen."

The guy's eyes grew a little big. "Ah, I'm Jaewon. I'm nineteen."

"You're a senior? We're in the same year. And I wouldn't mind being your friend, just...don't go through my bag ever again."

"Of course!"

"Come on, Jae, let's go. How much of the game have I missed?" Jinhwan asked as he hopped up and reached out a hand. Jaewon took it, checking his watch as he got up.

"Oh shit, fifteen minutes. We've gotta get going, Jiai's gonna  _kill_ me."

Jaewon started rushing off, leaving Jinhwan yelping as he was dragged along with him. "Calm down! Have you never heard of being chill?"

"Huh? But we're late," Jaewon said in confusion, and Jinhwan shook his head, patting Jaewon's arm reassuringly.

"I think I've got a lot to teach you. Now tell me about this guy you're having trouble with."

"Oh! I met him at a party! We hit it off so well and then we made out but I don't know, he might've been drunk but he was so pretty and great and then I started seeing him at every other party I went to, I know it doesn't look like it but for some reason I go to lots of parties - and then we just kept  _happening_  and I found a number in my back pocket but I have no clue if it's his or some random number and I'm so conflicted you know like he's so cute but does he think I'm cute or is this just because I like boys too and it's convenient for him and is this a moral code thing because Jinhwan, I don't know like _anything-_ "

Jinhwan tried his best to listen, nodding at all the right moments. They even had to stop walking for Jaewon to rant his stress more efficiently, pulling at his hair and everything.

"What's this guy's name?"

Jaewon instantly deflated which made Jinhwan regret anything he had ever said. "I don't even know that. He knows mine but...I think he doesn't want to tell me his."

"Why?"

"Maybe he has a reputation. Maybe he doesn't want me to hear rumours about things he does," Jaewon sighed, and he looked so upset that it was kind of painful. Jinhwan took hold of his hand.

"Ne t'inquiète pas, cher."

Jaewon looked so confused. "Huh?"

"You don't need to worry so much, you know? This relationship you're talking about is in budding stages, it's so early, so just try your best to follow its course. Call the number, find out what's going on and if it's him, talk things through. If it's not him then see if you can catch him at a party and use your mouth for something other than kissing."

"T-Talking, right?"

"Yes, talking!"

Jaewon nodded, wringing his hands together. Jinhwan analysed him carefully for a moment  before he hit the target. This dude had never been in a relationship before. If he had only come out a month ago, that would just be added stress.

"Oh! We're here, I gotta run, Jiai will kill- I already said that," Jaewon said nervously, waving spastically at Jinhwan who could only lift his hand before Jaewon was rushing off, but Jinhwan quickly took hold of his arm.

"Wait!"

"What is it?" Jaewon asked, eyes wide with anticipation and Jinhwan fished around for his wallet before taking some notes out.

"Here. Give this to your coach, tell him about the broken mirror and that this money was left with a note or something, say you lost the note. This should be enough."

Jaewon nodded, smiling at Jinhwan before running off, and Jinhwan was satisfied. He looked around for a while, kicking the grass as people passed by so he couldn't walk further. Then he was looking up at the bleachers, only to see Hanbin waving down at him enthusiastically, newly done face-paint on with one cheek with Jinhwan's school colours and the other with Chanwoo's. Jinhwan grinned, shaking his head.

That day, their school didn't win the match. Jinhwan wasn't surprised since Chanwoo had been an incredible goalkeeper since he was a kid, but he still felt a little sad. Now the team were going to have to work a lot harder to rise back up.

"You okay?" Jinhwan asked a dejected-looking Junhoe who was too sad to jog over, thus creating a lethargic walk. Junhoe frowned, not even bothered to lie because everyone knew his face easily showed when he was upset. Jinhwan clamped his arms around him. "It's alright, it's not the end of the season. You'll have to go through a few more matches but that's fine, right?"

"But it's the fact that we didn't beat  _them,_ " Won sighed, tearing off his elbow patches. "It's not fair. The only good person on their stupid team is their goalkeeper, and their cheerleaders are better-"

"Don't diss our cheerleaders!" Jinhwan yelled, making Won raise his arms in surrender. "They're trying their best, the team's limited in numbers. Besides, you gotta admit, they're a good team. But so are you. Was this a matter of luck or were you not good enough today? You don't know, so you just gotta work hard. You can do it."

"JINHWAN FOR CAPTAIN!" someone yelled, followed by whoops of agreement and confused blinking from the actual captain. Jinhwan rolled his eyes and picked up the massively heavy water bag, which was something a captain would definitely not need to do. Then suddenly a teammate was calling out, "ENEMY APPROACHING!"

The others all started sprinting for their lives and Junhoe was about to join in until Jinhwan took hold of his wrist. "That's your boyfriend and Chanwoo, you idiot."

"Ah."

"We won!" Chanwoo cheered brightly, throwing his arms in the air before freezing at Jinhwan and Junhoe's unimpressed looks. "Right. That was insensitive. I now know."

"I'm proud of you, though," Jinhwan said indifferently, slugging Chanwoo in the stomach. Chanwoo grinned at him.

"That must have taken a lot for you to say."

"Mhm."

"Hey, where's Hanbin?"

"He had to take off early for work, but he stayed until the game ended. He says you were amazing and he's real proud of you, too."

Chanwoo nodded slowly, turning a little red. "Cool."

Jinhwan narrowed his eyes, saying lowly, "Do you remember that you have a  _boyfriend_ , kid?"

"I can't help it," Chanwoo muttered, wincing a little. "I still think he's so cool and stuff...but I don't want to date him anymore. I think. And if I do then I want to get over it so bad because Donghyuk deserves better than that."

Jinhwan froze.

_Donghyuk? Don't I know a Donghyuk?_

"Kim Donghyuk?"

"Yeah! You know him?"

"Uh...kind of? Not that well, um, well, now I know who he is! That's cool!"

"Hyung, are you okay? Do you not like Donghyuk or something?" Chanwoo asked worriedly, and Jinhwan quickly shook his head.

"No, it's nothing like that! In fact...Donghyuk's like...the sweetest kid in the world. I'm telling you solemnly, Chanwoo. I actually don't want you to hurt him."

"Me neither," Chanwoo said quietly.

They looked to the others now, and Jinhwan almost jumped out of his skin when he saw Yunhyeong shaking hands with Jiwon. Yunhyeong. Yunhyeong?! Why was he still there? Right, because he was a mature wonder who wouldn't run away from the 'enemy'. Jinhwan hated him so  _much_.

"You're the boy Junhoe was moping over!" Yunhyeong laughed, making Junhoe yelp in denial while Jiwon looked shy. "I'm glad you worked things out. I hope this guy treats you well. He's got a track record for being late, just a heads up."

"I'd never be late for him," Junhoe snarled, before freezing once he realised what he had just said. Yunhyeong cooed while Jiwon kissed Junhoe's cheek.

"Junhoe's my best friend so take care of him! I mean, I'm not  _his_  best friend but he's kind of all I have," Yunhyeong shrugged, looking as happy-go-lucky as ever but his words got to Jinhwan a little. Him and Junhoe shared a look of surprise. "And I swear you're his first boyfriend. I've heard about all his disasters with girls but I'm sure you'll be better."

"YUNHYEONG!"

"What, it's the  _truth._ "

"I've got to go, but it was nice meeting you, Yunhyeong. Good game," Jiwon said civilly, before blinking in surprise when Yunhyeong went in for a hug. Junhoe just mouthed at him, 'He's like that'.

"I'll see you later?" Junhoe asked uncertainly when Jiwon was let loose from Yunhyeong's embrace, and Jiwon shrugged.

"Depends. Will you call me?"

"Yes! I will! I promise! I'll do it!" Junhoe barked out, and Jiwon snickered.

"Okay, darling."

Their goodbye kiss was so long that Jinhwan wasn't surprised that Yunhyeong ended up going over to him, because who  _wouldn't_  be uncomfortable seeing that? Not that it was much because Junhoe was an innocent bear who tried to pretend he wasn't.

"Hey, hyung," Yunhyeong chirped, and Jinhwan nodded at him.

"Sorry about the game."

"No worries. Like you said, we'll work hard enough to meet them later in the season and beat them then!"

Fuck, Jinhwan hated how cute he was. "I-I don't doubt it. But, um, do you really think of Junhoe as your best friend?"

"Oh," Yunhyeong said awkwardly, rubbing his nape. "You heard that. I know that must have been weird to hear since you guys are best friends but - I don't really have any close friends. I  _know_  a ton of people, and there are the people I hang out with at school but that's really all it extends to. I'm closest with Junhoe out of all them but I know it doesn't mean much. It doesn't matter to me, though."

"You sure?" Jinhwan asked, trying to mask his unending worry. He had never known it was like that but Yunhyeong was always with different people, and his letters did make it sound like he was lonely.  Yunhyeong just smiled at him, becoming a ray of sunshine once again, but Jinhwan could tell it wasn't quite real.

"I'm sure."

It was then that Yunhyeong seemed to stare at him. Jinhwan averted his eyes a little, shy and also having no idea what was happening, not to mention his heart was beating faster by the second. But then it very much almost burst out of his  _chest_  when Yunhyeong was taking a few steps forward and taking hold of Jinhwan's face in his hands. "Hyung?"

Jinhwan was shaking so much that he couldn't even speak.

"Have you been...crying?" Yunhyeong asked in concern, his thumb running under one of Jinhwan's eyes. "Your eyes are so red, are you okay? I-I mean I couldn't see you in the crowd but I thought you'd just changed seats or something-"

Jinhwan didn't really know what happened, because it was such a blur. But Yunhyeong had been pushed away, and his face held something like shock as Jinhwan said in a wobbly voice, "D-Don't ever touch me again."

Then he walked off, barely able to move in a straight line. He remembered how soft Yunhyeong's touch had been and he just wanted to cry again. Why did he affect him so much? Why was he so in love? It wasn't fair.

But suddenly, someone from behind was sweeping in front of him and gathering him up into a hug. Jinhwan's eyes grew wide as his breath left him, and Yunhyeong said very quickly, "I'm sorry but I can't do that because I like you and I want to be your friend and I want to make you feel better and I know you don't like me but you deserve to be comforted."

Then Yunhyeong took in a deep breath, squeezed Jinhwan tight, and let go before bolting off towards the changing rooms. Jinhwan was left alone.

_He's such a beautiful person._

Jinhwan started walking again, slowly, with a weak smile growing on his face.

-

_Dear Yunhyeong,_

_Hello love, I hope you're not too down about the match. I thought you played amazingly, you were such a force out there, and I know you can beat them next time. I guess I'm not the type of lucky charm you thought I'd be but I know you can do it! But you don't have to win anything for me. No matter how chivalrous you think that is, you impress me every day just by being you._

_French songs definitely are beautiful, but who's this person serenading you?! How many suitors do you have, Song Yunhyeong...but what song is it? I've got a few French songs in my playlist, perhaps I'll know it._

_Well, if you want to know the truth, you have seen me before. I swear I'm not trying to drive you crazy, I'm just trying to keep this innocent and light but, I guess we've revealed too much to each other to not want to go further. I'm just worried. You know that. We're both scared of getting electrocuted, even if it's for different reasons._

_Hey, 'paper boyfriend'? I love the sound of that. Is that what I am? It makes my insides all sorts of fluttery. I know I could never be your real boyfriend, but just hearing the word makes me dizzy. I think it's an absolute honour._

_Love,_  
 _Beau_ ♡

_-_

_Beau,_

_Right, the match...yeah, I guess I'm upset mostly because I promised you that I'd win it. That's all I wanted, I wanted you in the crowd to be proud of me and think I was so cool, I've just got this urge to impress you and make sure you stay in love with me...I don't know what I'd do if you stopped. Sometimes when I feel down, it's like you're the only thing that can cheer me up but that's okay because, you're enough. More than enough._

_Hey hey it's not like that! Of course I only want you to serenade me, even if you've got the ugliest voice ever because to me it'll sound like an angel. The song's called meme robe qu'hier and if you don't know it, I think you'll like it._

_Wait, are you serious? I've seen you before? Wait, are we in the same year? The same class?! Oh my God, Beau, are we_ _ friends _ _? Goodness, I really can't put this past anyone since I know so much yet so little about you. I would actually scream if you were Junhoe, don't you dare put that image in my head - you could be Won...? No, that guy's incredibly straight. I can't think of any boy who clearly seems to like me. Knowing you, you're probably the most incognito person ever. Yeah, I should give up now._

_Also remember, I'm going to wait for you, okay? You're my paper boyfriend until we meet, because then you'll be my real one!_

_(Fingers crossed? Or is that too far? I'm sorry...)_

_Love,_   
_Yunhyeong_


	10. Chapter 10

"What happened to your hand?" Junhoe asked as he pointed at Jinhwan's bandaged up fist, and Jinhwan shrugged.

"You know me."

Junhoe looked concerned, but then Jinhwan was looking up from his sandwich and seeing a certain someone looking around worriedly, wondering where to sit. "Hey, Donghyuk!"

The mentioned Donghyuk snapped his head around and caught sight them, eyes following Jinhwan's wave. "Wanna come join us?"

"Oh, thank you!" Donghyuk said in cheery relief, walking over. Junhoe gave a blank-faced wave while Jinhwan grinned at him, settling his drink down.

"How've you been? I really haven't seen a glimpse of you since last week."

"I've been laying low. Public school life...it's still all really new to me," Donghyuk said with a nervous laugh, and Jinhwan frowned.

"Chanwoo says you're really sociable, though."

It had to be impossible to go as red as Donghyuk did in those next few seconds.

"Woah, are you okay? Is it- did you get hurt?" Jinhwan asked in slight panic, his worry stilted by confusion and Donghyuk just covered his face with his hands, shaking his head. Jinhwan looked at Junhoe in alarm but the guy just seemed to be really holding back a laugh.

"Chanwoo's really got you bad, huh," Junhoe finally said and when Donghyuk slowly nodded, still covering his face, Jinhwan finally understood.

"You know, I'm certain Chan would talk about you 24/7 if it weren't for his pride."

Now even Donghyuk's hands and ears were red. Jinhwan smiled, thinking to himself that he had been like that too when he was sixteen. Any relationships he had back then were strong but short-burning, and Jinhwan really hoped Donghyuk and Chanwoo would last longer but it was unlikely if they were already this infatuated. Jinhwan's father always said,  _être fou d'amour est š'épuiser._

"What does that mean?" Donghyuk asked, and Jinhwan almost choked when he realised that he had said that out loud. Jinhwan tried to ignore Junhoe's curious 'why did you say that?' look.

"Uh...well, it- never mind. I didn't mean to say it, it's not anything good-"

"You said the French word for love, right? Was it something like I seem too in love? Like it won't last?" Donghyuk asked, a cheery disposal to his sad words and Jinhwan was struck by how  _smart_  this guy was.

"Pretty much."  _Now I sound like a hypocrite. I've been in love with Yunhyeong for way longer than this, and_ ** _way_** _stronger._

"It's okay! Even if we don't last...I'm just so happy now." Donghyuk looked down, discreetly smiling at the juice box he was fiddling with. "It's good enough."

"GROSS," Junhoe called out to cut through the sweetness, and Jinhwan threw a banana at his head. They were about to get into a full on fight with spaghetti and carbonara until Donghyuk suddenly let out a loud, "Oh!"

Junhoe and Jinhwan both looked at him. "Wha-"

Donghyuk suddenly took hold of Jinhwan's sleeve, making the elder's words melt. Especially at the damn determined puppy look Donghyuk started giving him. "You're in charge of the cheerleading team, right?"

 _Ah, did word get out?_  "W-Well, I wouldn't say I'm exactly-"

"When are tryouts?"

Jinhwan blinked. "There aren't any. Anyone who wants to join just tells the junior Lee Hayi and they're in."

"Why aren't their tryouts?"

"Because the bastards on the dance team have way better advertising than us and steal all our damn potentials," Jinhwan growled, clenching his fist and Junhoe burst into way too raucous laughter.

"Did you hear it? Whenever he gets too heated, his French accent comes out!"

"No, it doesn't!" Jinhwan yelped, whipping his head around to glare at Junhoe who only leaned towards Donghyuk to whisper loudly, "All I heard was 'baguette'."

Jinhwan almost burst into flames when Donghyuk giggled and Junhoe looked more pleased than Jinhwan  _ever_  wanted him to be.

"Wow," Yunhyeong sighed from two tables back, and Won from next to him raised an eyebrow.

"What's up with you?"

"Look at that. Donghyuk's a new kid, two years younger than Jinhwan-hyung, yet now they're friends. I'm telling you, the fact that he's not  _my_  friend  _has_  to mean he doesn't like me. Right?"

"Pffft. I'm glad you've noticed 'cause yeah, hyung totally hates you," Won snickered, and Yunhyeong glared. "It's weird, 'cause you two are really similar."

Yunhyeong stared burning holes into the guy. "We're  _what_?"

"Yeah. You're both so nice to everyone. I mean sure, you're a bolder sunnier sort, while he's the straightforward and only-speaks-when-spoken-to type, but it doesn't change how you both treat anyone who crosses your path well. Everyone on the team loves Jinhwan, I know that at least."

"So he calls himself a wallflower, but he's got the most popular kids in school wrapped around his finger."

Won started laughing so loud and Yunhyeong almost died when Jinhwan looked over for a moment. "Shut up,  _idiot-_ "

"But that was literally the best thing you've ever said! That better be hyung's yearbook quote, you should tell him!"

Yunhyeong let out a massive sigh, and cast his eyes back to Jinhwan's table for a moment. Only to freeze, because Jinhwan was really still looking at him. He seemed to stiffen up too, his hand jolting a little before slowly, he unclenched his fist, and waved. Yunhyeong's eyes widened, and Jinhwan was already turning his face before Yunhyeong managed to do anything in return. His throat felt dry.

_Am I really going to be an idiot now that he's finally letting me in?_

"Do you have a crush on him or something?"

"WHAT?!" Yunhyeong screeched, and now he was the one being too loud but he didn't even notice. "No, look, there's such a clear difference, this isn't love, it's  _admiration._ "

"And...how are they different?"

"I just think he's brilliant. He's inspiring and cool and good at so many things."

"Sounds like a crush to me," Won shrugged, clearly less interested than he was before, and Yunhyeong rolled his eyes as he went back to his lunch.

"I'm taken anyway so it doesn't matter what you think."

Yunhyeong didn't quite realise what he had said wrong until he heard the clatter of Won's fork falling from his hand, and he pounced before Won even started moving.

"Don't even  _think_  about telling anyone," Yunhyeong hissed, his hand clamped over Won's mouth as the latter stared at him with wide eyes. They were both silent for a moment until Won burst into laughter underneath his hand, and Yunhyeong had never felt more confused.

"God, you're still so hilarious when you try to be scary," Won snickered, batting Yunhyeong's hand away. "But seriously, if you told me  _that_  easily, it's gonna get out in no time. Be careful."

"You're not gonna go telling everyone?"

"Ha, doesn't that sound fun! But I kind of care about you so I guess not."

Yunhyeong had absolutely no idea how to answer that. He knew the guys on the football team were his friends, but he never thought that they were that close. He never thought they'd do something like  _care_  about him. But then he felt a hand patting his head, and he looked to the side to see Won smiling at him.

"Your first boyfriend, huh? Well done, you. You deserve it."

And even though that wasn't technically true because Yunhyeong wasn't even  _officially_  taken, the words made him so happy that he didn't know how to act. He just stayed quiet, playing with his food as Won laughed at his reaction.

***

_hey! i see you! -_

_\- WHO ARE YOU_

_omg calm down...remember jinhwan? -_

_\- yes! how do you know him_

_the fuck I AM him -_

_\- OHHH_   
_\- hi! I'm sorry! woah you're here??_

_yep, you're in the music store right? if you're not busy how about we have that dinner you wanted now? -_

_\- but it's lunch time_

_ok fine then lunch -_

_\- where are you?_

_looking through the shop window at u atm -_

_\- huh? where?_

_my god i'll just come to you -_

"You're a dolt," Jinhwan deadpanned, rolling up his newspaper to hit Jaewon's head with. The latter yelped before turning around, and his face lit up.

"Jinhwan!"

"What are you doing here? Don't you live in the next town over if you go to school there?"

"My house is kinda inbetween the towns, so I just go wherever," Jaewon shrugged, going back to looking at the records, his hair falling into his eyes slightly, and Jinhwan scrutinised him for a moment. He was dangerously pretty. Jinhwan was so glad the guy didn't have a dangerous personality to go with it.

"Wanna get lunch, then? I'll pay. And don't say something like you've already ate, I'll actually clobber you."

Jaewon grinned. "Why do you act like you're not as nice as you are?"

"Huh. You think so?"

"You did it when we first met too. You helped me but you didn't act like you wanted to."

"That's...that's just my arrogance coming out. I really was trying to be nice then."

Jaewon beamed at him, and he looked so genuinely thankful that it really surprised Jinhwan. "I know."

"Uh-huh..."  _Am I blushing? "_ Come with me, then. We gotta meet with a couple of people."

"H-Huh? But- gah!" Jinhwan was taking hold of Jaewon's wrist and dragging him out of the store, making Jaewon drop the record he was holding. Jinhwan looked left and right once he was outside, and then he was sprinting across the road and snickering at Jaewon's fruitless yells. "GUYS!"

Two people standing in front of a restaurant turned around, one with an anticipating expression and another with a bored one, except the latter's interest piqued when he saw Jaewon. "Who's your stray?"

Jiwon gasped so loud that Junhoe flinched. "Wait, Jung Jaewon?! Hyung, you're  _outside_?!"

"A-Ah...Jiwon-ni-"

"The amount of times you've rejected us for drinks, I thought you just never left your house and now you're  _here_?"

"When we met, weren't you complaining that you have no friends?" Jinhwan asked Jaewon flatly, and Jiwon burst into a yell of, "I THOUGHT YOU JUST DIDN'T LIKE US!"

Jaewon had a troubled hand over his face, and Jinhwan was starting to think that him and Jiwon had a little bit of a hate-love relationship. It was funny how things tended to work out. "How the hell do you guys know each other?"

Jinhwan perked up at that. "Right, yes, introductions! That guy who looks like a wannabe celebrity with his shades and hat is my best friend Junhoe, and he's dating your vice captain. Junhoe, this is Jaewon, the guy I met at the last match."

"Sup," Junhoe said, not after glaring at Jinhwan which didn't travel that well because of said shades, while Jiwon looked alarmed and Jaewon even more so. They both stared at each other.

"Y-Y-You're-"

"Please don't quit the cheerleading team. Please. You can hate me but please stay," Jiwon said desperately, swooping forward in front of Jaewon with his hands clasped together. Jaewon has turned bright red, while Jinhwan's eyes widened in realisation. Jiwon hadn't come out to his team, or maybe anyone.

"It's alright. I-I'm...I'm...I'm- ga- gah...I can't..."

"Wanna give me permission?" Jinhwan asked worriedly, patting Jaewon's back as the elder covered his face with his hands, nodding desolately. Jinhwan looked back at Jiwon whose face looked like it held the guilt of a murderer. "Jaewon's gay. So it's okay if he knows."

Jiwon nodded, though he didn't look very surprised which was strange. "That's cool. But what's wrong with-"

"Wait a second," Junhoe said. "Am I supposed to hide the fact that I'm dating you?"

"We're dating?!"

"Wait, we're  _not_?!"

"No, wai- that's not what I meant, we just haven't mentioned it-"

"WE LITERALLY CONFESSED, HOW DOES THAT NOT MEAN-"

Neither of them could finish any of the sentences they were mindlessly screeching, and Jinhwan bashed his head on Jaewon's shoulder because of the utter idiocy. Jaewon was just watching in wide-eyed wonder. "Is this what relationships are usually like?"

"NO!"

"Jiwon-nim, you're blocking the door."

Jiwon scrambled to get away and Junhoe had to drag him off in the end, bowing to the family who were trying to get outside of the restaurant. For some reason, Junhoe always turned excessively cool and collected when he wore sunglasses. Jinhwan could tell that Jiwon was getting a little lovestruck by it even after all that yelling, and he wondered if it would be a good idea to have Jaewon in on a double date with the grossest couple alive. But the guy himself was calling out a wary, "Should we eat?" and Jinhwan grinned at him, nodding.

"If you want to. I can still owe you dinner if lunch isn't good enough."

"Wha- why are you paying? If anything, I'd owe you!"

"You amateur, I'm the hyu- oh wait. Damn, I haven't had a same-age friend in years."

"We're friends?"

"Well, only if you want."

"I-I do!"

Jiwon and Junhoe shared a look. It was a funny look, where Jiwon's face was saying 'they're cute together!' while Junhoe's said 'don't you dare' and Jiwon became confused.

Jinhwan couldn't remember what happened in the end, but now they were finally in the restaurant with Junhoe and Jiwon being grossly in love just in the way they looked at each other, while Jaewon next to Jinhwan seemed to be trying really hard to initiate conversation but he never quite got there. Jinhwan was just absently drinking a milkshake, staring at Junhoe and Jiwon. Thinking, how dare they be able to be that happy? How dare they like each other so much that the insecurities could be flattened out so easily?

"So we're not hiding it?" Junhoe asked and Jiwon shook his head, feeding Junhoe a chip. See? Gross.

"Not from anyone but the cheerleading team. It was a request from the captain...apparently she's seen the kind of thing where someone's so repulsed that they leave the team."

"Why would you even want someone like that on your team?"

"Sometimes you need to take what you get."

"Then how am I supposed to kiss you in front of the whole world after I score a winning goal?" Junhoe wondered, looking like he was really thinking about it and Jiwon choked on what he was eating.

"Jinhwan!" Jaewon suddenly yelled, and Jinhwan looked at him in alarm, as well as most of the restaurant. Jaewon winced, his head sinking onto the table in embarrassment.

"Jae...you can just talk to me normally, you know, I'm not that scary..."

"But I don't even know what to say. I was just gonna ask something stupid," Jaewon mumbled, turning his head to the side to look up at Jinhwan. Jinhwan stared at him for a moment then smiled, resting his chin on his palm.

"I don't mind stupid questions. Ask away."

"Hm.  _Hmm_."

"Why are you thinking so hard, I thought you had it ready..."

"How did you end up liking your crush?" Jaewon asked after a lot of thoughtful consideration, and Jinhwan's heart immediately beat faster. He forgot how to speak for a moment, until he finally got there.

"W-Wow...it's really been a while..."

Yunhyeong had been a sophomore when Jinhwan first knew of him. This kid who was younger than him with the brightest smile, the kindest actions; for a while he was all anyone could talk about.

_'Did you hear about Song Yunhyeong? Ah, he's so handsome...'_

_'He's so good at football! Why the hell does he have to be good at everything?!'_

_'I thought people were exaggerating but I talked to him yesterday and he's really the kindest person I've ever met.'_

In what seemed like no time at all, Yunhyeong had become the school's sweetheart. Jinhwan wondered if the guy even knew that himself.

Jinhwan had known more about Yunhyeong than he even wanted to by that point. He couldn't help it when he had such a keen ear, and so many people talked about this one guy so much that it was starting to get boring. What was so special about him? Weren't blown-up phases like this supposed to fade? To be honest, he hadn't sounded real. That just meant that Jinhwan was one hundred percent sure that this sweetheart of a boy had to be faking it.

"What are you glaring at?" Won had asked confusedly one day, and Jinhwan backed up like a vampire from sunlight.

"Why are you talking to me at school?"

"Hey, aren't we still friends?!"

"You ditched me for the populars, I'll have you know."

"Hey, it's not like that!"

"Just move out of the way," Jinhwan sighed, shoving Won down so he could start glaring again. He was only glaring at one person, and he wasn't even aware that he was  _glaring_. Yunhyeong was just literally sparkling to the point that Jinhwan wanted to barf. "Who the fuck is even like that...?"

"Who?"

"That dude. The guy on the football team with you."

"You mean soccer team? Wait, Yunhyeong? Why the hell would you be interested in Yunhyeong?" 

"I'm not! Why the heck do you have to say it like that?!" Jinhwan yelled, shoving Won's stupid laughing head again. "But...hey. Is he really like everyone says?"

"I get it, he seems unreal but honestly, he is. It's pretty crazy, but he's kind of perfect."

"Gross..."  _Perfect people aren't supposed to exist. If they did, what would become of us lesser ones?_

"Ooh, I really smell a crush."

"I SWEAR TO GOD-"

"Okay, okay, I got it!" Won laughed, backing up now. "But hurry on back to the popular side, hyung, it misses you."

Then Won was running off and Jinhwan punched the wall next to him.

"How do you and this guy know each other?" Jaewon asked and Jinhwan shrugged.

"We went to the same middle school. I was popular and he wasn't, but by the end of the few years there it became the complete opposite."

"Why?"

"Why do you think?" Jinhwan leant forward and gave Jaewon a full on stare, until the guy looked hypnotised. "What happens when a life-ruining, debilitating rumour gets out about you? And then, what happens when it turns out to be true?"

"Hyung, stop scaring him," Junhoe sighed and Jinhwan laughed, leaning back again so he could say something like 'nah it wasn't that bad', but suddenly Jaewon was sitting up and taking hold of Jinhwan's arm.

"I understand!"

Jinhwan gave him a strange look. "Huh?"

"You don't want to talk about it. But I understand," Jaewon said, his voice holding the kind of empathetic sadness that got under Jinhwan's skin a little. Jinhwan swallowed, and quickly tore his arm out of Jaewon's hold.

"I'm fine. Nothing happened to me."

"I understand!"

"Jaewon, stop-"

"God, you two really look good together," Jiwon sighed like the words were the heaviest burden to let go of, and the whole table went silent. Then Junhoe was suddenly slamming a hand down on the table and standing up, before taking hold of Jiwon by his collar.

"Come on, we're gonna go make out behind the restaurant."

"W-Wha—WHAT-"

"Pfft, that made Junhoe annoyed? Isn't he cute?" Jinhwan snickered, and Jaewon watched after the other two in interest.

"He's protective of you, isn't he?"

"Course he is. He'd never admit it but I know he'd move mountains for me."

"Why didn't you get a crush on him?"

"Cause people don't just get a crush on every person who's nice to them."

"No. False. Me. I do," Jaewon said, raising his hand and Jinhwan gave him a look.

"You really need to get that under control then."

"Well, I mean...after the guy at the party, it's stopped, I guess. I can only think about him."

"Cuuuuuuuuuuuute-"

"Shut up!"

"Have you found out his name yet?"

"Haven't seen him since. I've been turning up to party after party and he hasn't been there."

"Then you've just gotta hope that you two follow the same strings of fate."

The same strings of fate.

Him and Yunhyeong definitely didn't follow the same strings of fate. A popular and a wallflower, circumstances where Jinhwan would for some reason be horribly rude whenever he'd face Yunhyeong in person, the debilitating way that he knew they were never supposed to align.

The love letters were only a soft breeze that would never be able to cut through fate's strings.

"Hey, you never told me how you ended up falling for him."

Jinhwan snapped out of his thoughts, and looked at Jaewon who was staring at him attentively. Jinhwan sighed heavily, but a small smile appeared on his face.

"It's cliché. You'll hate me for this."

"I wouldn't hate y-"

"One day, he waved at me and that was it. I fell head over heels."

Jaewon blinked, quite a few times. "Seriously?"

"To be fair, I was having one of the worst days of my life. It was the day I found out my parents were getting a divorce and I felt the need to destroy everything, I was just feeling especially useless. Then it also hit methat I didn't even have a friend to talk to about any of it because I didn't have someone like Junhoe back then, and it all just got even worse. But I caught sight of him outside the classroom window, I think he was looking at the flowers. Then he saw me, and gave me the most beautiful smile in the world. And he waved. Somehow I felt better, and somehow I fell in love. One  _minuscule_  bit of attention meant and I became just like everyone else."

"But didn't you hate him before?"

"Turned out my hatred was thinly veiled adoration. It's weird how little distance you need to close before you cross a line between two things that seem so different."

"That sounded complicated."

"But you get it." Then Jinhwan sighed, slumping back in his seat as he drummed his fingers against his drink. "But for some reason, I still can't stop acting like I hate him when he's around. It's like it's  _instilled_  into me."

"He thinks you hate him?"

"He really does!"

"Man, that's rough."

"I don't know why I'm so mean to him, honestly, usually all I want to do is throw love at him but the instant his attention is on me, I'm ready to tear his head off his shoulders."

"Hey, it's probably just your emotions trying to protect you. Like a fight-or-flight reaction because your feelings for him are  _so_  strong."

"But why?" Jinhwan asked, resting his face in his hands. "Why are they so strong? What part of me thought it was a good idea to fall in love with Song Yunhyeong?"

"Guys!" a loud voice called from outside of the cafe, and Jinhwan and Jaewon turned around to see Junhoe with his arm around Jiwon who was now wearing Junhoe's cap while hiding his face. "The owner caught us so we gotta leave. Can we eat somewhere else?"

" _Idiots,_ " Jinhwan groaned while Jaewon burst into laughter.

"Why's Jiwon not talking?" Jaewon asked when they were outside, and Junhoe only shrugged, even as he held onto Jiwon tighter. Jinhwan was getting worried by this point, until he heard Jiwon say in a muffled, raspy voice, "My face is so red that it's never gonna go back again."

"You're the one who got so into it."

"Junhoe, I am but a weak man so if someone like you kisses me then I'm not gonna-"

"Okay, never hanging out with those two again," Jinhwan muttered, rubbing his temples before blinking when he realised there was no presence next to him. He whipped his head around until finally, he found Jaewon crouched down on the floor hugging a dog a little way away. Jinhwan blinked in amazement as he watched him.

"Wow, why does he like you so much? I'm jealous!" a voice said, obviously the owner, but it was a voice that instantly made Jinhwan's heart explode into love dust.

_Shit, what kind of timing...?_

"My grandmother has a dog that looks like him," Jaewon said fondly, grinning as he scratched behind the dog's ears before giggling as the small dog tried to pounce at him. "He yours?"

"Yeah. He likes people but he is good and stays close by to me, so I like taking him out in places where there's lots of people."

"Ah, cute..."

"Give me that hat," Jinhwan muttered, tearing it off of Jiwon's head which made the other two stare after him in confusion as he ran off, shoving the hat onto his head. "Jaewon!"

Jaewon turned around and Jinhwan pulled the bill of the cap down. Except Jaewon just had to say one word for the makeshift disguise to break down.

"Jinhwan!"

_For fuck's sake..._

"Jinhwan...hyung?" Yunhyeong asked confusedly as Jinhwan painfully walked over, taking in a deep breath before looking down at Jaewon.

"We gotta go."

"Huh? You can wait a minute, right?"

Clearly, Jaewon wasn't getting Jinhwan's telepathic screams for help.

"Hyung? Is that you?"

"Yes, of course it's me! Now take your dog!" Jinhwan yelled way snappier than he needed to, taking hold of Jaewon's hand before dragging him up and away. Yunhyeong just watched after them with a curious look on his face.

"Hey!" Won said brightly after coming out from the sports store just next to Yunhyeong. "Sorry for taking so long-"

"Is Jinhwan-hyung dating anyone?"

"Huh? Uh...don't think so. Not as far as I know."

"Ah."  _But, who would publicise a gay relationship anyway? So maybe..._

_He doesn't hate me because he thinks I'm always hitting on him, right?_

"And while he's got a boyfriend?!" Yunhyeong screeched out of nowhere, and Won stared at him in utter confusion.

"Wait, huh? Boyfriend?  _He_?! Who are you-"

"JINHWAN-HYUNG!" Yunhyeong yelled, scooping his dog up in his arms before running off, and Won tried to yell after him.

"U-Uh, Jinhwan...?" Jaewon muttered nervously, poking his arm but Jinhwan shook his head, his eyes closed.

"Just keep walking, ignore it-"

"I DON'T LIKE YOU! I REALLY DON'T!"

Jinhwan stopped walking, and Junhoe and Jiwon had noticed things now too. "What's going on?"

"I'M-"

"What did you say?" Jinhwan said lowly just as Yunhyeong had come to a stop behind him, out of breath and worried. Yunhyeong blinked, staring at Jinhwan's back for a moment before he opened his mouth to answer, only for Jinhwan to turn around. "Go on. Say it again."

"I-I only meant I don't like you in  _that_  way," Yunhyeong said, his voice getting weaker as seconds passed. "I-If that's why you avoid me then just know that that's not it! I understand now why it might seem like it, I mean, I compliment you all the time and stuff...but I just want to be your friend!"

"Song Yunhyeong, shut your mouth  _right now_ ," Junhoe growled, walking over to stand in front of Jinhwan, and Yunhyeong stared at him in confusion.

"What? But I'm not...I'm not saying anything wrong, right?"

"Yunhyeong," Jinhwan said calmly, and everyone looked at him in terrified anticipation. Jinhwan paused for a moment, maybe just for the sake of suspense, then asked, "Where's your dog?"

"What? Wait..." Yunhyeong suddenly let out a yell as he tore away from them, running around frantically looking for his dog. The others looked after him in amazement, and only Jaewon ended up seeing Jinhwan repeatedly hitting his head on a wall.

"Don't do that!" Jaewon yelped, trying to pull him away but Jinhwan just shrugged him off.

"This is my life. Full of pain and rejections."

"The next time we're at school, I'm giving him a piece of my mind," Junhoe grumbled, kicking a rock aggressively, and Jaewon and Jiwon looked between the other two in utter confusion.

"Who was he?"

"A guy who goes to my school. And that's all he'll ever be to me," Jinhwan muttered, resting his fists against the wall in front of him. Then the others started to understand.

"I think we should go home now," Junhoe finally said after a few moments of silence, and the others mindlessly nodded. Except for Jinhwan who shook his head, taking hold of Junhoe and Jaewon's hands. 

"Hell no. We haven't even eaten lunch yet. We're not going anywhere." 

"But are you sure you're okay-" 

"No but you guys are gonna make me feel better,  _right_?"

Jaewon, Jiwon and Junhoe all looked at each other, before back at Jinhwan who looked like an angry cupcake glaring them all down like that. They nodded. 

"Of course we are." 

- 

_Beau,_

_Hey, I haven't heard from you in a while. I know you could just be busy but I keep wondering if I did something wrong...did I really go too far in the last letter? If that's the case then I really really really really am sorry, sometimes I just can't control my feelings even when I know I should. But hey, if it's just that you're not feeling up to writing then you can ignore this! I'd just remember the days where I'd give a letter and before the day was even up, you'd have replied. I just want you to know that things like that, so many things you do, it always makes me feel so special. So we don't need to rush this. We don't need to do anything. I'm already so happy talking to you like this._

_Love,  
_ _Yunhyeong_

That day, Yunhyeong found a bag hanging from his locker. He frowned in confusion, wondering how anyone had even done this when it was so early in the morning. Yunhyeong was known for coming early, but who else...? 

Inside the bag was a set of vibrantly coloured macarons, and a note. 

_**These are for you. Please enjoy them~ and I promise I'll write to you again soon. I just haven't had my head screwed on straight recently, but I still love you lots. Await my return!** _

_**Love, Beau** _

"He's not dead," Yunhyeong sighed in soft relief, hugging the bag to his chest. And from around the corner, someone was peeking from behind the lockers with a small smile on their face. 

 _Even if he couldn't like me in real life,_ Jinhwan thought,  _he likes me like this. So, this is enough._

 


End file.
